Time always seemed to go by so fast, just like that one episode in Moonknight where he was moving the whole night...anyways, I stood there contemplating if I should jump from the bridge to my death. My life has become meaningless, every time I try to make it just a bit bearable for me to keep going, to keep staying in this world, it just brings me down to the ground again. It's a noisy night on the bridge but with no one walking it, not that I've noticed anyways after I picked a spot. I set my book bag down which held a couple letters for people that I wrote just to let them know it wasn't their fault I decided to end things here. I made sure to also leave a note at home for my boyfriend, yes I have-well now it's 'had' a boyfriend.
I take in a deep breath.
I'm starting to feel the guilt in my heart and in the pit of my stomach for doing this to my loved ones, but I can't help just feeling so sad, for no reason, those beautiful highs and lows of emotions. I make my way over the railing of the bridge. I feel my heart racing faster and my hands trembling with sweat.
I can do this.
I look down at my feet then at the drop I'm about to make. Just jump.
In the distance I could hear the alarming whistling from a bridge patrol officer, I hold in my breath and lean forward ready to fall. I'm thinking so many things but the person who's really on my mind is my boyfriend, Greg. I wait for the impact but it never came. I feel myself being held upside down. What the fuck bro. "I got her!". I give this man an angry look and try to kick him with my other foot to let me go...doesn't work. "Let me go!"
"No!" I see the guard finally reaching over for my other foot and they both bring me up and I land face first on the side walk of the bridge. "Ma'am are you alright?!" I groan in frustration and roll over trying to get up but fail and just sit there. I see the man who grabbed me first on the phone probably calling first responders to my unnecessary aid. I start to cry.
"You should have let me finish it all..." I whisper. I notice people starting to gather up near me.
"Olivia!" Fuck, Greg, he runs so fast almost knocking me back down on my back to the ground getting to me. "What the hell is wrong with you! You have me all scared and worried!" He's crying. I feel numb now, he's squeezing me, holding me for dear life, a feeling of him never letting go. I shift my eyes to the man who caught me, he watches as Greg hugs me, his eyes seem to show envy. Greg releases me from his embrace and studies my face. I'm lost. "Come lets get you home." He helped me up to my feet, I couldn't look at him, not after what I was about to do minutes ago. I hear the man who caught me give a small statement to the bridge patrol and the police, Greg guides me to an ambulance that arrived. He had to tell him that I was in shock, maybe I am. "Have her take these when she gets home, it'll help with what she's feeling. It's best you take her to see a doctor about what she's going through as well dear, she needs it." Greg and the paramedic guide me to the passenger side of his car, he closes the door behind me but I can still hear their muffled voices. I wanna die. This whole process is really making me feel like doing it again but instead I'll run and jump off and be quick with it.
Our drive home was silent, not a single word or sound only the sound of the car motor, not even the radio was on. Once we got home he opened the door for me and helped me going to the house door where we were welcomed by Lulu our cat. When she meowed at me I lost it and bursted out crying and crashing down to my knees, I hugged Lulu and kept apologizing to her, how could I abandon her? I felt an arm go around my shoulder. "It's going to be okay Via, I'm here." I cried and let it all out.
Greg cared me to bed after crying. I feel so weak. Greg helped me strip out of the clothes I had on and tucked me into bed giving me a kiss on the forehead. "We'll get through this together, whatever you're feeling now won't go away easily, but I'll be there every step of the way, I promise." A single tear comes out and he quickly wipes it away. He stayed beside me until I drifted off to sleep, the last this I could hear and see was him crying and whispered sorry to me. Don't be sorry, It's not your fault. Darkness.
