Humanity

chapter one

It was late. Well past the normal time that Addison normally went to sleep. She had a routine. A routine that kept her sane, that ensured she did what was necessary. Wake up at five, take her pills at six thirty, and take her other pills at seven in the afternoon, then bed by nine. Her body naturally followed this routine now, the alarms on her phone just insurance in case of an off day. Like today.

Addison could barely remember the last time she had an off day. She just knew that she never wanted to have one ever again. The fact that she was having one right now, made her so scared that she laid in bed, with her eyes shut as tight as possible, trying to fight off the thoughts that she spent years in therapy trying to move past.

She'd been following the schedule. She'd been taking her meds. She'd been doing everything right. She couldn't understand why every little noise was keeping her awake, why her head hurt so much, and why she couldn't stop shaking her foot.

She pictured the forest. The way the air felt on her skin, the smell, and the noise. She focused on the feelings that the forest gave her, and how it made her feel at peace. She wished she could go back to her family's cabin. Wished she wasn't stuck in her suburban town, with no purpose and no dreams.

That was the last thought she had before the exhaustion finally took over.

She still woke up at five the next morning. A new day, and the same routine. At least that's what she hoped for.

It was Saturday, which meant everyone was still asleep at this time. She didn't have to worry about her younger sister, Gretchen, bothering her yet or her mom and dad tip-toeing around her. At twenty-one years old, she hated still being at home. Her parents didn't mind though, even her annoying, seventeen-year-old little sister didn't mind. They loved her, and she loved them. She just needed a break to the cabin. A break like her parents had suggested a day ago when she had lost her shit over the empty bottle of body wash she and Gretchen shared.

It made sense to her now. The increased irritability, the inability to sleep. She was in one of her moods. Again. But at least it wasn't as bad as it used to be. That's all that mattered—no more old Addison. New Addison was better. She didn't overreact and she didn't make bad decisions. She did everything she was supposed to do. Her schedule made sure of that. At least it had until now.

Addison just needed a break then everything would be okay.

The house was quiet. And cold. Always cold. Ever since the house was renovated to be more modern all it felt like was cold. With its tile floor, white walls, and all modern appliances, it felt more like a house from a catalog than the home that Addison grew up in. But it made her mother happy and that's what really mattered most.

Entering the laundry room, Addison practically dragged her feet along the floor as she walked towards the dryer full of her clothes. She changed quickly into her workout clothes and left her hair in its braid, her bangs everywhere but where they were supposed to be.

Her hair was something that she loved. It was dark red that reached her hips with short bangs. She'd done it herself a year ago and pledged never to go back to the shapeless, dull blonde hair she used to have.

If there was one thing that Addison took pride in, it was taking care of herself. She'd been so deep in her depression for years that hygiene had barely been a concern of hers. But her routine made sure that she took care of herself now. Her beauty routine was even more detailed than her daily routine and her food routine.

She tied her tennis shoes that were left on the shoe rack by the front door and opened the front door, quickly walking down the porch steps and turning right following the path she knew so well. Hoping that she didn't run into any of her neighbors, she quickened the pace of her walk as she plugged her headphones in and focused on her steps.