Reverberate - an Echo of Us sequel |Zarry|

six.

Harry has accepted that their marriage is over.

It's nearly comical, when he looks back at just how much stupid shit he did for Zayn and to keep him. How he tried to get him to propose back in their 20s, how he jumped headfirst into taking care of Amara. All of the stupidity that transpired in the band. And now Harry is talking to divorce lawyers and talking about custody and whatever else.

The bad thing is that Zayn completely disappeared. He didn't come back home, he didn't try texting or calling Harry a single time. Three weeks after he left, Harry hears from a lawyer Zayn hired. He tells Harry that Zayn is ready to come to a reasonable agreement and agrees to the divorce. He wants to see Milo and Isla. He won't keep Harry from seeing Amara. He doesn't want any of his money. Clean break, or so it seems.

Nothing can be a clean break when there are children involved. Amara is old enough to understand what happened. After that final fight, Amara came downstairs a few minutes after Zayn had slammed the front door to find Harry crying at their dinner table, broken glass from the tumbler all around the room.

"Did baba leave?" Amara asked.

Harry could only nod. "I'm sorry but I don't think he's coming back, babe."

Amara just nodded, sat on the chair next to Harry and hugged him as he wept. She didn't cry and she acted more rationally than Harry. She asked Harry to help her with a history project and then offered to run his lines with him, as he was still in the middle of filming. It distracted him enough from the pain of the total collapse of his marriage and the evening ended with them both playing with Isla and Milo and they could pretend like there wasn't still broken glass and unfinished lunch in the dining room.

Because Gigi was in the US, Amara didn't really have a choice but to stay at Harry's place. She said she would've stayed anyway and that was one little comfort to Harry, that the divorce didn't shatter his relationship with Amara. He's known her since she was a toddler, he raised her too, he loved her like his own. Zayn texted her sometimes but he completely went off the radar.

Milo and Isla didn't notice Zayn's absence the first week or so because he had been travelling for work a lot recently. But then they started asking about him and while they weren't necessarily upset, it was getting increasingly depressing.

One thing Harry still struggles with is how in the world is he going to tell everyone they're getting a divorce? Should he send out a mass text? Post a story on his finsta? Hold a conference call with all his friends? He told all the people closest to him but then he goes out to dinners and events and parties and they ask about Zayn and all Harry can do is awkwardly mumble his way through saying that they've separated. The word divorce is almost dirty. It's finite and violent. It's a legal term that could never encompass the pain the people involved go through. Even if the two people absolutely hate each other, the process is horrific. It's evidence and agreements and laws and custody and property and moving out and forgetting a person that you loved, that you hurt, that you shared a bed with for years, that you still share children with. He needs to get himself out of this marriage but no matter what, he will mourn all that he's lost because he was happy. He was happy for many years but happiness isn't immovable. Happiness doesn't stay the same, it changes constantly and now the happiness he got from his marriage has expired.

He didn't see Leo for more than two weeks after that final fight with Zayn. He felt like he had betrayed everything he stood for once because Zayn was right, it was Harry who said they're not allowed to have any relationships outside of their agreement. But Harry couldn't help it. You can't dictate your heart what to feel. It's impossible and unfair to yourself to try and do it. Zayn was the first one who gave up on their relationship, the love they shared. He was the one who cheated. Why should Harry blame himself for finding someone else to love, someone who he could try and love with a clean slate, without any prior expectations?