highschool sweethearts (chrill)

to smile with closed eyes

"Awesome!" Jack said before clicking send on his laptop. They were in an ela class, and him and chill had been working together on a project. Grill was too. But he didn't do anything. He didn't want to do anything. He hated people. Especially jack. His charisma just got on his nerves. "Thanks chill pill!"

"Not a problem jackattack!" Grill winced. It's not like he cared about who chill was friends with, but it absolutely was like that and he was absolutely jealous. He just wanted chill to look at him. But he had a whole group of friends he talked to regularly. Grill didn't even bother to remember half their names. There was the stupid anime protag wannabe jack, the tea lady, some socially inept graduate, an asmr chick and someone liked knitting? He didn't know. He didn't care. He was just kind of upset that chill wasn't paying as much attention to him. It made him angry, and when he thought about it more, it made him angrier for not liking it. He's my friend. I shouldn't feel this way about him. But when grill looked at chill, saw him smiling and talking with his friends, sometimes he felt like he was weighing him down. Like he was a free spirit, and chill just stayed around grill because he felt bad. Because he pity's him. That just made him feel worse. His angry pout became a bit more concentrated, and he just looked deeply at chill, thinking. And chill noticed.

"You alright, big man?" He asked. Grill was still zoned out, he wasn't comprehending any words. His expression just got more and more sorrowful, though he did try to hide it. Chill doesn't actually care, does he? He doesn't. I just weigh him down, don't I. He's gonna leave, and I'll be all alone, and I'll just end up doing what I always do because my stupid fucking feelings and my stupid fucking head won't let me talk to people. He was noticeably shaking and started to feel tears well up in his eyes. Why the hell was he getting so emotional? He screwed his eyes shut and put his face in his hands, still shaking, trying to make himself as small as possible. Chill grew more concerned. Everything grill was silently saying to himself was the opposite of the truth. Grill brought him up. Grill made him happy. He made him feel comfortable, and loved, and the bond they had was something to be treasured. He didn't want to let go either.

Chill turned to face grill, his body hugging the back of the chair, placing his head in his arm, resting on the chair, looking at grill, a worried expression on his face. He muttered something to jack to go to lunch without him. He scooted his chair closer to grills desk. "Grill?" He asked, but grill was still trembling uncontrollably. It scared chill. He reached his hand out hesitantly, hovering it over grills hair, but grill flinched when his hand almost touched him. He looked up, noticing the hand, noticing chill. The look on his face made him feel horrible. But he couldn't express that. He wasn't weak. He swatted chills hand away. 

"Get away from me." He lashed out, looking away. But chill knew how to handle him. He sat up straight, resting his arms on grills desk, giving him a soft, concerned look.

"Are you okay?" Chill asked. "You can talk to me. You can tell me anything, grill. I'm your best friend for a reason-"

"NO IM NOT!" Grill shouted defensively. This confused chill. 

"What?" He asked, sitting up more, facing the trembling, angry, scared grill. It was a horrible sight. 

"IM NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND! YOU-YOU HAVE MORE FRIENDS NOW I DONT I-I DONT MATTER TO YOU, THATS IT, RIGHT? AND ITS FINE IM-I-IM NOT SAYING DONT HAVE OTHER FRIENDS IM JUST-ITS COOL, OKAY? YOU D-YOU DONT HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE MY FRIEND, BECAUSE I JUST WEIGH YOU DOWN AND I-YOU-I DONT DESERVE-AND-" but he lost his voice. Chill found it. He put it in his pocket, saving it for later, and instead just reassuringly picked up grills hands with his own.

"What are you saying?" Chill asked. "Your still my best friend. You don't weigh me down. You do the opposite. You bring me up." He held his hands softly, looking at the now startled, flustered grill. Grill faced his calm, empathetic eyes. Chill smiled into them. It made grills heart melt. And he hated that even more. How chill made him feel. How much he enjoyed being around him. How much he enjoyed him as a person. As an amazing person. Maybe that was a part of the reason why he was so scared of losing him. He held his hands tighter. "I'd never leave you. Those are just friends. I don't...feel the same around them when I'm with you. You know what I mean?"