Perfectly broken

Part 14

Welcome back to Felix's pov. I probably dont have to warn you that it's not positive, so stay safe and hopefully you enjoy.

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Felix POV

Felix was freezing. He couldn't remember that the practise room always had been this cold. He was practically drowning in his big hoodie and sweats, as they rehearsed their moves for hours on end, and yet he was shivering.

Felix let Hyunjin pull him closer as Minho once again showed them a new combination. Felix had a hard time following. It all seemed like a mess of limbs and head turns, and the thought of having to try it himself left him beyond exhausted.

He perked up a bit when he felt Hyunjin's warm lips on his cheek. Hyunjin had seemed so happy lately, which helped Felix keep up his façade. His words of being selfish had gotten to him. They had punched him in his gut like an iron fist and crumpled him up from the inside. Felix didn't want to be a burden and especially not to Hyunjin, so he tried. He tried his absolute best to not bother the others with how awful he felt. How sad and crazy hungry he was.

He no longer heard Minho's explanation. He had gotten distracted when Changbin, without looking away from the instruction pulled a protein bar from his pocket.

It was not fair. It was not fucking fair that the others got to eat like that, meanwhile Felix barely could get himself to eat a meal a day.

He quickly averted his gaze when Changbin noticed him starring. He scooted closer and pointed the bar at him.

"You want a bite?"

Felix's eyes darted to the food once more. He really wanted some. His only body screamed at him to say yes and it was like it made him even more dizzy and cold just to convince him. If he took a bite now, then he could just skip the apple at lunch he had planned. It would be easy. It would be fine.

Felix's fingers shook as he nodded and lifted his hand to take the bar. He could hear Minho's speech continue, but he knew every one of the members were looking at him. He knew they were judging him for being this weak. They all they he had to lose weight, and yet he hadn't been able to resist this.

Hyunjin's loving arms around him, didn't feel comforting any longer. It was like he was squeezing him, feeling every bit of fat on his body as he bit down on the bar, slowly chewing it.

"Thanks" he mumbled, giving it back to Changbin who smiled at him before looking back towards Minho once more.

Felix couldn't concentrate on anything but the taste in his mouth though. He felt like crying as his stomach twisted and turned. It had been stupid to agree on the bite. He was even hungrier now than before. He craved food so badly that he wanted to bawl his eyes out. He flinched when Hyunjin nuzzled his neck with his nose softly.

"You're alright?" Hyunjin whispered.

No- he wasn't alright. Felix wanted to eat and destroy months of hard work. Someone had to stop him, but he knew Hyunjin never would. He needed to do something.

"I just need to go to the bathroom" Felix quickly mumbled, but Hyunjin didn't let go.

"Please just stay for the rest of the practise" Hyunjin begged him silently. "-it was only one small bite baby."
Felix felt like throwing up right there. Hyunjin thought he was going to make himself sick and in reality all he could think about was the vending machine down the hall. He felt sick to the bone. He had never had cravings this bad before. But he guessed he was eating less now than ever before, but he felt so ashamed. The others would despise him if they knew what he was thinking. He had fought them for weeks to get out of eating and when they finally backed off, all he wanted to do was eat.

Felix nodded silently and tried to act normal when the music began again and their practise continued.

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Felix had been sure that it would pass. Normally his cravings did, but this time... he kept on thinking about that damn protein bar all day long. His stomach growled loudly ever time and made him blush furiously, afraid of the others might hear how weak he was. He had to go home and weigh himself- seeing the numbers never failed to make him determined. He just had to come home.

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so this was a shorter chapter, because the next one is going to be long. Trigger warnings is definitely going to be needed as well. We are finally approaching what the fourteen chapters has build up to. 

Thanks for reading.