Liv

Chapter 3: Memories

After school, I have to start packing. I feel a panic attack coming but manage to push it down by thinking of my new car. That will save me a lot of headache once I learn to drive. Aunt Jane will have to take me to get my permit and teach me how to drive, Mom had told me. I want to start driving already. Go wherever I want and don't need to ask for rides.

Friday came by fast as everyone was occupied cleaning out and packing. I wake up feeling uninterested to get up. Today is moving day. I want to close my eyes and stop time for a moment. Why couldn't they have waited until I graduated? Logic is not on my side this morning. I take in a few deep breaths before swinging my legs off the side of bed and stand up straight. No school for me today so I might as well make the best of it with my family before they head out to New York.

Reality hit me harder when I walk into the living room and sees Dad carrying the boxes from the living room into the U-Haul we rented. A lot of things were shipped to New York and were resold or dumped at the local donation center. Did I sleep in? I check the time on my phone, and it is afternoon.

"We only have your room now." He says and direct a few friends that he had asked to help pack to my room.

"Why didn't you guys wake me up?" I ask Mom as she walks in between the open door.

"We thought you might want to sleep in". I did and was hoping today would never come.

"I grabbed a few breakfast this morning. It's on the table. Eat so you're not hungry". She stares at me and her eyes suddenly teared up a little.

"I can't believe it. I've been so busy packing that I just realized this is the last time I'll be getting you food." She comes for a hug and squeeze me tight. Our goodbye dinner and outing last weekend seem to have still saved a few tears for us to shed. We shared stories and laughed and cried together as we reminisced over the past few years. I finally asked Mom about her job and congratulated her during our outings.

In a few hours, my family will be heading to New York without me. As I imagined the mile between us and I living with the one person I wanted to erase out of my memory, nausea made it way up my throat. I feel queasy. I thought I will be fine by now as long as I accepts it, but I was wrong.

"You look sick." Jimmy states as he walks by with one box in his arms. I wave him off.

"As I should, right?" I lightly joke, but it came out more groggy than I intended.

"We go at 4:00. Most of your stuff is already in the U-Haul." Dad says. I look at the empty living room. Everything was gone. Family photos, television, kitchen appliances, it seems so surreal. The thought of moving finally take precedence. I told myself, 'this is the same as if I were to go to college. Just a few months earlier.' For the rest of the time, we sweep and tidy up the house, throwing away trash, cleaning the counter and moping the house.

They finally toss my bedframe into the U-Haul and closes it.

I sort through my bags for my headphones as we make our way to my new temporary home. I should be thankful for having a roof over my head, right? But the curiosity of Shawn jangles my mind senseless. I couldn't figure out how to feel about him. I remember hating him, but why do I feel this warm and caring emotion in my heart every time I think about him? I go through my playlist and find my favorite song. My hand instantly reaches for the necklace and my anxiety ease a bit as I listened to "If only you needed me as much as I needed you." The song brings back a memory that had been tucked away for a very long time.

Laying on the couch inside of Shawn's home, I repeated the chorus over and over, trying to fall asleep in my neighbor's home. Shawn came rushing into the living room and insisted I stop singing, or he'll have no choice but to kick me out of the house. That night, I cried myself to sleep for the first time in Shawn's home. And sadly to say, it wasn't my last. Ever since then, I did not sing around him, but on the occasion, I would sing it just to annoy him when he got on my nerves. The vision fades, and I jolt awake as Dad exits the freeway. I am not familiar with this side of town. I had imagined them living in the same house they used to live in.