The Der-Bear-Est of Them All

Dearest Noah

Noah stares at the letter, a whirlwind of emotions swirling through his heart and mind as he reads.

My Dearest Noah,

I can't imagine how you must feel to hear from me after all these years, but I assure you that if you're reading this, then it was out of my control. I wrote this in the event that something happened to me.

I never explained why I left the way I did. We had a whirlwind romance and I loved you dearly but as you know my father was never pleased with my choices least of all my choice in loving and being with you. A month after you left, I found out I was pregnant, and I was terrified.

I had no idea who to ask or who to tell. How could I tell someone else when I couldn't even bring myself to tell you? Sometimes I regret that I didn't tell you and other times I'm glad I didn't. It's selfish but once my mother found out I was pregnant she spoke to my father who begrudgingly welcomed me home where they provided everything I could possibly need to raise a child. Their only condition of course being that I never spoke with you again.

I'm sorry Noah but I needed help, and I couldn't ask you. I know how much fighting for your country meant to you and if I had told you I know you wouldn't have been able to focus on where your heart led you. I was grieved that it did not lead you to me but well it's done now.

Nine months after you left, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Her name is Jennifer "Jenny" Sue Evans. I know your mother's name was Sue and felt it was important that our daughter have something of yours. She's a spirited child and very intelligent. I see you in her bright smile and the twinkle in her eyes. I know that I should tell you, but I just can't help but want to keep her to myself.

I wonder if you've found someone to love. I wonder if you've had a child. I wonder if you even remember me and what we had between us but mostly I wonder if you'll hate me or ever forgive me for keeping her a secret from you. Probably not and I won't blame you if you do or don't.

This letter is meant to be delivered to you in the event of my death. So, if you're reading this then I'm no longer living. I haven't given much thought to how I would die but I knew that the man I fell into a whirlwind of a romance with has a heart of gold and would take care of her if I no longer could. 

I hope that you will take care of her and love her like I did but please forgive any strife this may cause you as that is not my intention. There is one thing you need to be made aware of though. When Jennifer was five years old my mother died but it wasn't accidental. We never figured out the cause except that it was intentional. My father grieved her deeply as did I but Jennifer merely took a seat in front of the fireplace and stared into the flames with a small smirk on her face. Sometimes my own child scares me and that is the one thing I know you won't forgive me for.

I still love my little girl but there is a darkness to her, and I don't know when it came to be. 

There is so much I want to say to you. There is so much I want to tell you. I have missed you, but I realized after I had Jennifer that what we had was infatuation with each other at least on my end. For that I am sorry, and it is why I hope you have found love apart from me. I hope you have had a child and that your life is full.

I've included her birth certificate and all the important documents just in case. You are also her legal guardian now. I would've put my father down, but he couldn't bear to live without my mother. At least that's what his note said but I have wondered if perhaps his death was also intentional and not an accident.

I know I have no right to ask this but please consider looking after her? Please try? For me.

Goodbye Noah,