The Circle Of Confusion

6: Closer

Jameela Balogun Ayomide

White florescent lights.
White Walls.
White painting.

"Adjust your eyes well. "

Jamil had said before helping me to sit up well and stretching a cup of water to me . I took it and downed it asking for more with my voice coming  out  groggier , head banging and my body aching in pain .

"Are you ok now ?"
"Hmn."

I was trying to told myself together but I couldn't as I burst into fresh sobs with Jamil looking at me with heavy eyes gulping down his own sobs .

"Sorry ...sorry ...sorry."
I said to him muffling my laughter to raise the tension I already caused while he looked at me .
"I don't want to talk about it please don't ask. "
"Hmn ..."

"Sure , I won't."

"Are you ok now ?"
"No only if you get me muffins."
"Sure I would , your normal flavour right ?"

I had take liking to the so called muffins they sold in their cafeteria yesterday that I bought most of them with Jamal money
Muffins with sprinkled strawberry banana icing with coconut...
You need to try that some day please .

"Yes."

I watched his retreating figure seeing that he's gone already , I looked at myself and broke into tears again . I was a pity to everyone.

I am tired of being a disappoinment,
I am tired of the attention,
I am tired of my life ,
I am tired,
Tired of being a Balogun.

Hearing the shoes approaching, I wiped the tears and pretended everything was ok by plastering a smile on my face awaiting for the guest only to meet my new friends.

Jenna,
Renee ,
Milliscent.

They walked up to me and hugged me and it was so calming that I begged them to hug me again and they did smiling oblivious what was happening.

"We weren't around to stay for long  because we had class but am sure senior Jamil did." Renee had spoken with a smile that gave me a reassuring life that I was good with these people .

"He did though he left just now to get me muffins."
"How are you though?"Milley had asked me
"Am good now ,thank you."

We were talking when Jamil came in with Jamal who was worried but  when he saw me smile ,he calmed and smiled .

"Why are you here without bringing me something like flowers or placards ?"
"Ohh." Jenna feigned innocence alongside her friends putting hands on her waist and swerving her head like she was thinking about something , I smiled .

"Actually...we...forgot ...more like we ..errm ...we were in class ." Renee cracked and I smiled as she talked

Forgot... seriously??
Allah ...these girls ehn
You forgot...you were in class ...

"Sure. " Jenna drawled and the four of us doubled up in laughter with my brothers face cracking up with smiles.

Yah Allah...Jamal smiled.
Thank God .

"Next time you girls should bring one while coming" Jamil said and the reaction from Jenna made me love her the more . She snapped  two fingers over her hand down muttering something underneath then she spoke up.