Heartstrings

Venting

Worried
Tired
Frustrated
Yet concerned
Attraction looms
Even more frustration ahead
Constantly on my mind
Wondering why you even started chatting to me
If you were just going to be ticked off by something like this
I blame myself
I should have said less
Pretended that you didn't affect me the way you do
But that's just it, every little thing affects me once I put my energy into it
And I really put my energy into this
Into what we might have been
Gosh
So much bitterness and doubt
I keep passing my aggression and I shouldn't
I know I shouldn't
I keep smiling like everything is okay
But it's not
I keep hoping to see a message from you or at least to see that you've read that last message
I can't believe I'm typing all these
When last did I feel this way
This giddy
This excited
This attracted
This lost
It's been 3 days since we started talking
Just 3 days and I feel this way
It's almost like I'm drowning
And I don't want to be saved
But that's just it
I have to be saved
I have to get out before it's too late
I have to put on a strong face and be strong and let all these go
I'm scared though
Scared that I'd see you and all my defences  will crumble
Scared that one look at you will take my breath away
Scared that you see right through me
Scared that you don't feel that same
Scared that I'm alone in this

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Back Story
So I met this guy at work. He owns one of the establishments at the complex where I work. One thing led to another and we started chatting. It's been really nice.
I have never been in love so I don't know what that feels like but with him, everything is amazing. Conversations are amazing and I can be as silly as I want to be.
He saw me with this guy (a friend from work) and we talked about it and I guess he jokingly said that me and said guy look good together and my sarcastic self replied with "We do right? I've always thought so" I don't know if he took me seriously but he hasn't replied message since I said that. I sent a voice note explaining but he hasn't listened to it😪