Angels - A Star Trek Fan Fiction

Ch. 6 - U.S.S. Enterprise

"I'm... I'm gonna be okay, right Daddy?" Andrei's quiet voice came through the speakers on Hikaru's desk.
Hikaru smiled. "Of course. You know I'd never let anything bad happen to you. I promise you'll be okay."
"Promise?"
"Absolutely. And I never break a promise. I'm gonna be watching you from my ship, okay? From this camera. The whole time. I'm gonna make sure nothing bad happens."
"They're gonna put a hypospray in my arm..."
"You won't even feel it, just let them do it, okay?"
Hikaru didn't know why he was watching this from his ship. He didn't know why he was watching the surgery period. It made him so anxious. Usually people couldn't watch living people being sliced open and stuff... It was pretty sensitive material that shouldn't be watched by anyone but doctors. But this was Hikaru's son. His baby. He should be there... He should be with his son, the only living part of Pavel left. He felt himself start shaking.
Andrei slowly fell asleep on the table.
Then he saw him start shaking.
Andrei hasn't had a seizure since he was a baby... He was three years old, it was right after...
"Stop! Wait, he's having a seizure!" Hikaru jumped up from behind his desk, but there was nothing he could do. He was millions of miles away. 37 starbases away from his child. "You have to stop the surgery, he's having a seizure!"
But the doctors didn't listen, they couldn't hear him anymore. His baby was dying in front of him.
Then it just stopped.
"Did... Did I pass out?"
"You promised..."
"Oh no..." Hikaru could feel nothing.
"Daddy, you promised me..."
He focused hard on trying to feel his body, but he felt like nothing. Like vapor. No form, no feeling. "No..."
"You promised me just like you promised my real dad..."

Hikaru jumped awake to an even more frightening reality. A dark, empty room. He was crying, covered in sweat, and shaking so badly that he couldn't stay sitting down.
As soon as he got up, Doctor McCoy entered the room. "You okay?" He walked in and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Hey. Look at me. Are you okay? Some crewmen said they could hear you... Shouting something and crying... Supposedly in your sleep?"
"I had a real bad dream..."
"Ah. About your son. I've told you, he'll be okay. He's a happy kid, and... He's got Pavel's ambition. He's not gonna let this beat him. He's gonna get his new heart and he'll live a great life."
"What if he has a seizure... During the surgery?"
"The doctors will handle it. They're professionals, Hikaru. They wouldn't just let the seizure get the best of him..."
"But what if they do?"
"Hikaru, they won't! I don't know what happened in your dream, but that's what it was. A dream. Just a dream."
"I haven't had nightmares like this since Pavel died."
"Speaking of Pavel: the away team has been working hard to recover any more evidence from the blanket. Your little empathic friend is going down there soon. And by the time she does, Andrei will be over with his surgery."
"I'll be able to see him in a week, and he's going to be okay, and my sisters gonna take care of him. Her and Pavel's brother are gonna take care of him..."
"Aren't they having a baby too?"
"Due any day. I wish I could be there. If she doesn't have it by the time I get there, I'll be waiting with her."
McCoy knew that the best way to calm Hikaru down was to distract him, because he didn't always listen to reason. If it had been ten years earlier, Hikaru would be the more logical one, and would've been busy distracting Pavel in a stressful situation like this. "How's your daughter? How's Demora?"
"She's... All grown up. Fourteen. I think... She looks like me. Just a little, right?" He lowered his head and started wringing his hands together. "She... Called me yesterday with Andrei and my brother-in-law to ask me if they could have a puppy... Just like any other kid does when they're a certain age. Asking for a puppy... I said when I came home I'd bring them a new puppy. Andrei specifically asked for a Black Labrador Retriever. You could tell he'd thought it through a lot... He had pictures all ready for me to see and he may have given me just about every reason to get a dog that exists."
"Did you have a dog as a child?"
"Me? Well... He was my dad's dog, really. His name was Paulie. He was a Dachshund. And my mom and sister Yuki each had a cat. Sprinkles and... Oh no, what was the other ones name? Echo. The other one was Echo. He was okay, but Sprinkles was just nasty. He'd scratch me if I even looked at him for too long. But my mother just loved him too much. He died my second year in the Academy, and I can't say I miss him much."
Hikaru really was easily distracted. "Back in Georgia, my dad had a... Bernese mountain dog. His name was Parker. I have to say, he was my only friend until I was about twelve, and even then he was still my best friend."
Hikaru looked right at the doctor, which was something he rarely did anymore unless he was extremely serious. He wasn't great with eye contact anymore. "Doc... What's your diagnosis?"
"For you? I don't know, grief, maybe you just miss your kids too much..."
"I mean for you. You said you were sick. You said it didn't look good. Which one was it? Was it the one that... You at least have a chance at beating?"
McCoy sighed. "Xenopolycythemia. The enlargement of the spleen and mass overproduction of red and white blood cells. If the spleen is removed within the first three months, survival is possible... But according to my results, it's been five and a half months. I'm... Going to be dead in ten months."
Hikaru covered his face. "God, what happened to me? What happened to my life?! Everything was so damn perfect, and over the years everything falls apart... And maybe Andrei does survive and Demora and him are both happy kids. Maybe I get to see them grow up. But you won't. You won't even get to see your own kids grow up!" Hikaru got up and started pacing like a maniac. "I just... I wanted you to be a part of my kids' life. You're like family to them. Andrei's fourth word was "Bones," remember?"
Leonard shook his head. "There's nothing I can do about it. I just told Carol, and she's a mess already." Then his eyes fell to the floor and wiped his eyes. "She's pregnant again."
Hikaru pulled at his hair and kicked his desk. "This is why life sucks! This... This is terrible! It's no question why I never sleep! We aren't supposed to die before our parents, Leonard. Do you know how hard it was to see Pavel's parents at his funeral? His poor mother... Do you know how many miscarriages she had before she could have Pavel? Three. Three babies lost, Leonard. She actually considered having an abortion in Pavel's case, but Pavel's dad begged her not to because he had so much hope for him, and Pavel was born by some miracle... He was premature and he weighed very little but he was healthy nonetheless... And mothers aren't supposed to bury their kids, Leonard! It's just not how the world is supposed to work! How's your mother gonna feel, then?"
"I don't know."
"It's going to be traumatic! For David too! He's not gonna have a dad to... Take him camping or give him advice on his first date or watch him get married or hold his first kid! My dad didn't even want to hold my kid, Leonard. My dad probably never thinks about me. Why do we try so hard to do good in mhxthis universe when nothing good ever happens to us?!" Hikaru pulled at his hair again and punched the wall so hard, Leonard heard his knuckles crack in an unnatural way.
The doctor got up and took him by his arm. "Come on, Hikaru. You went and busted your hand like some kind of damn fool. And... Look at your foot! That's what happens when you kick things without shoes on. You know that."
"I just don't... Understand. Pavel said everything happens for a reason, like it's all mapped out for us, but... Why do all the bad things happen to me, and the people I love?"
Leonard shook his head. "I've never been all that religious, but I tried prayin' just... Just in case. I don't know if there's a God or if the universe controls everything, but I started prayin' just in case there is a god so he or she or whatever God is can make sure my family is okay. I know Pavel's family was religious."
"Yeah. On earth he'd go home for Christmas and... Two years I went to Russia with him and we'd go to church on Christmas morning. Demora would open her presents, and Pavel's parents totally spoiled her. Andrei didn't get that... Pavel died the month before Christmas." Hikaru sighed. "I never knew whether I should believe in god or not. Then Pavel died, and... I just wanted to believe he was somewhere nice. Some people think when we die there's just nothing after that. Nothing. Our conscience dies with us. But I wanna believe that Pavel's in heaven. You know there's been so many people who come out of comas or almost die and then claim they've met God or went to heaven..."
Leonard didn't say anything until they got to his office. He sat Hikaru down in a chair near his desk and went through a drawer. "I had a patient like that. Jenny. She was seven when I started treating her illness. Died when she was nine. But right before her death she went into cardiac arrest, and I revived her, then she started explaining to me the place she went to when her heart stopped. She told it to me just how all the religious people describe it. All white, everything's white, and she said it was very warm, too. Maybe I would've just shrugged it off. But her family members were all atheists. They'd never picked up a bible in their lives. Jenny died a week later, but I told her family she was going to a nice place. They got very angry with me for saying that and told me to leave. Jenny always told me stories about when she would be a starship captain. She said she wanted to marry a pretty Vulcan girl one day and then they'd explore the stars together. But ever since she told me about that... I've been a little less afraid of death than I should be."
Hikaru let the doctor heal the bones in his hand and the gash in his foot.
"This has been rough for you. These past few... Years." He put his hand on Hikaru's shoulder. "You're about to be an uncle. So, next week, you're gonna go to earth, see your family, everything's gonna be fine. Look at me, lieutenant. Don't you think I'm scared too? I'm terrified. I don't want my kids to remember me. I want them to know me. Now Carol... She's going to be under so much stress, and it's... Not healthy for the baby she's carrying. And now I've got to tell Jim."
"Pavel's friend Madi is going down to the planet?"
"She went already, but... She said she needs to go back. Tomorrow she's going again. She insists you come with her. They're going to be scanning the other side of the planet."
"The other... Why? The colonies are only settled on 6% of the 50% of the planet that gets sunlight. The other half is... Well, survivable, but it -"
"Not the point. You're gonna go with her. You're going to go, and you're going to look for his remains because you love him, and every part of him needs to be back home so he can be put to rest like he deserves."
"You're right."
"I'm always right."
"Goodnight Leonard."
"Goodnight. Take those pills I gave you."
"The ones to help me sleep?"
"Yep."
"Goodnight."
"'Night."