icing those hurt

Part 16

All it takes is one nap. That's it.

One nap and Tommy begins to notice how tired he is all the time, and then how hungry he is, and then how cold he is. All the time. He'll wake up early in the morning and want to rest from the moment he opens his eyes until the moment he gets off the ice at night and makes it back to his room.

He wasn't like this before. Before he could go for weeks and not feel the slightest bit tired. He could practice and practice and practice until he was perfect and think about nothing else. But now, he can't. Now, he's weaker.

Tommy's in the common room, his legs folded on the lounge with Wilbur laying on the couch at his side and Techno on the arm chair, his feet up on the cushion. They're close enough that Tommy feels comforted by their presence, but not too close that he feels suffocated. It makes Tommy loosen a little, makes him feel like dozing off, knowing that if he did, they'd still be here when he woke up.

And it's that thought that ultimately makes him say what's on his mind.

"Do you think I'm getting weak?"

Wilbur sits up immediately, turning like Tommy's said something insane. Even Techno, who is normally very relaxed, seems appalled.

"What do you mean?" Techno asks, intense.

Tommy looks down at his hands. "I don't know. I'm all distracted now. Coach says it all the time. I'm not able to practice as much as I used to because I'm too busy with other things."

Wilbur leans back slightly. "You're much more tired and you don't understand why."

Tommy nods. He expects Wilbur to say something, but he doesn't, he just looks over to Techno like help. Please, help.

"No," Techno says. "No, Tommy, this isn't weakness. This is your body telling you what you need because you're finally listening. Before, you couldn't let yourself listen because you thought you would get in trouble for it, but now that you know you won't, you're starting to feel safe doing so. You're starting to feel tired and hungry and sick. These things are good. Especially if you take care of it."

"Yeah," Wilbur speaks up. "Did you eat anything before practice?"

Tommy nods again. "I had a salad."

Wilbur smiles like he's proud. Tommy feels himself straighten, even though it wasn't really anything too big. Just a salad. But Wilbur's smile makes Tommy want to keep taking care of himself. "Alright, then let's get you something tastier, yeah? A reward for doing well." He stands, then opens his hands. Tommy, slowly, lays his own cold hands into Wilbur's warm ones. "You've taken care of the nutrition, let me take care of the sweets. Have you ever had hot chocolate, sunshine?"

Tommy stops still at the pet name. His hands slip out of Wilbur's.

Sunshine. Sunshine. Sunshine.

It's a cute nickname. Very sweet. Tommy imagines that in another life, he would've loved being called that. In another life, Tommy would probably preen under the title. But here, now, Tommy doesn't hear Wilbur's gentle playful tone, he doesn't hear fondness, he hears his coach. He hears sweet words being spit at him, nice things being said sarcastically- all the things that Tommy's ever wished he'd be called being twisted around into something awful. No one would ever call him something sweet and be genuine about it. No one. Ever.

"Tommy? Tommy?" Wilbur asks, sounding frantic, pulling Tommy out of his head, pulling him out of the overwhelming anxiety buzzing in his chest. "Tommy, I'm sorry, are you alright? I didn't-"

"Wilbur," Techno says. He's firm and steady. "Wilbur, back up. Just a little." He listens, giving Tommy enough room to take a breath. "Tommy, are you okay?"