𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒|| wtm hp

Lots of incorrect quotes-not chapter

I can't write a full chapter seeing that I'm with my grandparents this weekend, so here's something that was in drafts:

Ron: You believe this?!
Cooper: To be honest I haven't
believed a word Alice has said
since she spoke to me for the first  time

Snape: Thats sarcasm. You familiar with the term "sarcasm", Avery?
William: Very
Cooper: *proud*

Alice: Hello everyone, and welcome to the "fuck the Potter's" support group, where we gather to say a collective "fuck you" to those jinxed bitches
Alice: but first a few words from our newest member
Harry, sweating: I think I'm in the wrong place-

Ron: Alice and Cooper? They're just friends
Harry: Bullshit
Hermione: Bullshit
Cooper: Bullshit

Hermione, teaching Ginny how to drive: okay, so you're driving, Luna with Alice and Cooper walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Ginny: Cooper, I couldn't hit Luna and Alice would haunt me for life
Hermione, massaging her temples: The brakes, Gin. You hit the Brakes

Blaise: THE FLOORS LAVA!
William: *helps Sabrina onto the table*
Alice: *kicks Cooper off the couch*
Blaise: .....as you can see there are two kinds of lovers-

No one:
Alice after stabbing a guy: This is modern feminism talkin!

Harry: It costs at least 400 dollars to see a therapist
Hermione:
Harry: but it takes 0 dollars to tell yourself that "it'll only be like this sometimes"
Hermione: hArRy nO

Cooper: *rolling up with a bus* Seatbelts, everyone!
Ron: *buckling up* Please let this be a normal field trip
Alice: with Cooper?
Them: NO WAY!!!
Ron: *Groans*

Neville: I'm going out, anyone want anything?
Harry: My parents to be alive
William: Better parents
Cooper: Death
Alice: a better mental state
Neville: ........i only have like, $13 dollars

Sabrina: Why are your tongues purple?
Alice: we had slushies, I had a blue one
Cooper: I had a red one
Sabrina: ......
Sabrina: oh
Sabrina: .........
Sabrina: OH
Draco: You drank each others slushies?

At Order of the Phoenix meeting-
Sirius, slams hands on table: How did none of you hear what I just said?
Alice: I've been zoned out for two and a half hours
Ginny: I got distracted halfway through
Cooper: Ignoring you is a conscious decision

Alice: *Screams*
Cooper: *Screams louder to assert dominance* Sabrina: Should we do something?!
Will, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

Alice: *Gently taps table*
Cooper: *Taps back*
Sabrina: What are they doing?
Will: Morse code.
Alice: *Aggressively taps table*
Cooper: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Alice: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.
Harry: ... Your what?
Alice: My friends.
Cooper: Are they saying "friends"?
Neville: I think they're being sarcastic.
Ginny: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Alice! All of your friends are in this room.
Alice: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

Alice: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering.  Alice: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'