Finding Satisfaction

Simula

My world is already shattering inside but I didn't know that it could still be broken into million of pieces.

I couldn't contain all the emotions, they're overwhelming. "W-why?" I weakly asked myself. In front of a gate there were two people hugging in each other's arms.

And that two people is my husband, Fabian and the other one is a woman she is Luciana.

"P-paano mo nagawa sakin to?" I weakly asked in the thin air. Mas Lalo pang nadurog Ang puso ko Ng Makita Kong hinalikan ni Luciana si Fabian, walang protestang mababakasan sa Mukha Ng aking Asawa.

They both go inside of the house and I didn't want to imagine what will happen next. I cried out loud and grip the steering wheel.

I cried and cried for  almost an hour untill I felt my throught getting dry. I wiped my tears away even though they're still many y
tears coming out my eyes.

I composed myself and started driving my way home. It always happen again and again for 5 years but I didn't know that seeing it face to face hurt so much than hearing rumors.

I can't talk nor  think properly, all I want to do now is to rest and see my son. As soon as I parked my car in the garage I quickly find my son, i found him sleeping in his bed. It's already 3 in the afternoon, mahilig syang matulog sa ganitong Oras kaya Hindi na kataka-taka.

Maingat akong humiga sa kanyang kama at until until syang niyakap. Parang may bikig na nakabara sa lalamunan ko habang tinitignan Ang Mukha niyang maamo. If it wasn't because of him I don't know what will happen to me.

"Ano ng gagawin ko anak? Pagod na pagod na Ako. Di ko na alam Ang gagawin ko." Bulong ko sa anak na mahimbing Ang tulog.

Fabian is the love of my life. Magmula noon Hanggang Ngayon sa kanya tumitibok Ang puso ko. Pero iba Ang tinitibok Ng puso niya, iisang babae lang magmula noon Hanggang Ngayon.

Ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya ay di maubos ubos at Wala akong magawa. If I can just shut down this feeling I should have done it form the very start but it's useless. Even how many times I torture my heart and mind to just stop from beating for him.

Nakatulog ako sa labis na pagod Hanggang sa nagising Ako dahil pinupugpog Ako Ng anak ko Ng halik.

"Mama wake up" he whispered, a smile formed on my lips when I saw him.

"It's already dark outside mama and I'm hungry" his lips were pouted—nagpapa cute.

"Oh really?" I asked him and looked at the window and it's dark outside, I looked at the wall clock and it's already 6:30 in the evening.

"Yes" he answered.

"Oh my! I overslept!"

"Mama I'm hungry"he get my attention and  I chuckled when his stomach grumble.

"Okay I'll cook but wait for me in the kitchen anak"

"Okay!" He excitedly jump off the bed and hurriedly go outside.

My smile vanished as soon as he went out. Naka-uwi na kaya si Fabian? Malamang Hindi pa. He must be taking his time with hi mistress.

I guess the rumors were true, o talagang nagbibingi-bingihan lang talaga Ako dahil masyado akong tanga. Alam ko na noon pa pero inignora ko lang. Alam ko na simulat sapol na ayaw niya akong pakasalan pero matigas Ang ulo ko.

It all started with a mistake and that mistake lead us here. Nagpakasal dahil sa Isang gabing pagkakamali pero Mahal ko na Siya bago pa Yun mangyari. Mahal ko na Siya pero gusto Kong mahalin niya din ako but I guess loving someone doesn't mean that they should love you back.

But I didn't regret that mistake. Dahil kung pagsisishan ko man Yun parang pinagsisishan ko narin Ang buhay Ng anak ko.

Bumaba na Ako matapos makapag ayos. Natagpuan Kong naghihintay na sakin Ang anak ko sa kusina. I cooked adobo and pinakbet, my son's favorite ulam. We ate happily, my son telling me stories about his day and what's his dream.

"Mama I want to become a doctor"

"Oh that's awesome anak, but why doctor?"

"Kasi Po I want to become a superhero who saves lives" he smiled and my heart melt because of his reasons.

"Oh how adorable anak, mama is so proud of you"

"Really?!" His eyes were twinkling.

"Yes, always remember that whatever you want to be. Mama will be always proud of you and always be at your side"

"Thank you mama I love you" he jumped off his seat and hug me.

"I love you too anak" I said and kiss his forehead. We continued eating, after eating I helped him clean his body and tucked him to bed. I read him a bed time story and he fell asleep in an instant.

"Lumaki Kang masayahin at mabait anak ha?" Kinakausap ko Siya habang natutulog.

"Maabot mo sana lahat Ng gusto mo sa buhay, dahil nandito lang Ako palagi para Sayo" I kissed his forehead.

Bumalik ako sa kusina para magligpit. Hindi na Ako kumuha Ng kasambahay dahil madali lang Naman Ang mga gawaing bahay pero kumukuha Ako Ng Taga bantay Kay Alvy kapag sobrang busy.

I was busy washing the plates when I heard Fabians car. I hurriedly go outside. Naabutan ko siyang kakabukas lang Ng pinto.

"Anong Oras na? Ngayon mo lang naisipang umuwi?" Bungad ko sa kanya.

He just look at me and walked like I haven't there.

"Fabian kinakausap pa kita, Anong Oras na? Mag aala-una na Ng madaling Araw Ngayon ka lang umuwi. Di mo man lang alam na may mga taong naghihintay Sayo!"

"Can you please shut up? Masakit Ang ulo at buong katawan ko sa maghapong pagtratrabaho tapos iyan Ang bungad mo sakin" he frustratedly asked. Sinundan ko Siya papunta sa kwarto namin.

"Pagod sa trabaho o pagod sa ibang bagay" napahinto Siya sa paglapag Ng atache case niya Ng tinanong ko Yun.

"What are you talking about?" Humarap Siya saakin na may Galit sa mata.

"Hindi ba Yun Naman Ang totoo? Anong Oras ka Ng umuuwi na dati di mo Naman Gawain Nung di pa bumabalik si Luciana, di ba?" A tear stream down my face.

"Anong pinagsasasabi mo?!" Ngayon ay nakuha ko na Ang buong atensiyon niya.

"Fabian may anak na tayo pero bakit Hanggang Ngayon si Luciana parin ha? Kasal tayo pero bakit ganun? Bumalik lang Siya Mula pilipinas limot mo na kami!" Sigaw ko dahil sa bigat Ng dibdib.

"Gusto mong marinig kung bakit? Dahil di mo mapapantayan si Luciana sa kahit na Anong aspeto!" Balik na sagot niya sakin.

"Anong klaseng aspeto Naman yun ha? Nagpapaka Buti Ako bilang Asawa at Ina Ng anak mo saan Ang aspetong Hindi ko sya matutumbasan—?" Di ko natapos Ang sasabihin ko Ng binintawan niya Ang atache case at padabog iyong binagsak.

"Hindi mo Siya mapapantayan dahil Mahal ko Siya. I don't love you so don't expect that every aspect that she have ay Meron ka!"

"Ako Ang Ina Ng anak mo" mahina pero Mariin kong sabi.

He smirked. "Pero Hindi Ikaw Ang pinangarap Kong maging Ina Ng mga anak ko." Napahinto Ako sa sinabi niya. Nilampasan niya Ako at kumuha Siya Ng damit, patungo na siyang banyo Ng magsalita Ako muli.

"Di mo ba Ako kayang mahalin?" Bagamat mahina ay alam Kong narinig niya. Nakatalikod na Ako sa pwesto niya Ng sumagot Siya.

"Hindi. Hindi Ngayon, Hindi bukas o sa mga susunod pang Araw" pagkatapos nun ay pumasok na Siya sa banyo at iniwan Ako.