She faded in fast just like December

Introduction (backstory)

Hi!

I'm Rem, and it's been like 3 years since I
started hating December.

When I was a child I had been trough some really difficult experiences,

My parents divorced when I was only 2 but we still kept in touch with our father. Me and my brother of course, Mom never felt like talking to dad anymore since, he would only ask her for help sometimes and she never refused to help...

Even though she hates my dad she'd always say that "It isn't good for my soul to hate someone, and anytime he needs something, I am gonna do everything I can to help him. Our divorce shouldn't stop me from being a good person." (Very cliché if you ask me)
but every time she says it, my blood starts boiling like hell. That is happening now because when I was 9 I used to support her.
Dad was my only friend even after the divorce but he started being mean to me and hurt me though words, making me worthless or the stupid feminine version of my brother, saying I have no future and I will die alone, always joking on how I want to grow into a wealthy person. His behavior making me ignore him and break any contact with him.

Still, back to when I was little.
Every time I asked them why they decided to part ways, Mom always said "It was for the best, he is not a good person" and Dad "This is how it was supposed to happen and you have to deal with it!" then he would start yelling of how we should accept his new wife (that is a bitch by the way).
Also, after every time I would ask any of those questions, my brother usually threatened me, of how I should stop being "curious" and shut up

There are so many things that I could say of how messed up my family is but it all all happened because of my birth.
My family used to be so happy before, I saw that in photos not just my crazy little head.
Sure, every time I have said that people were jumping like crazy saying it is not true.

It is. I was an accident, My parents wanted to abort me and because it was not possible they hoped I was a boy. (Mom told me that the same night she threatened me she will kill me if I ever tell people again of  how bad she treats me)
But hey I turned out to begirl so yeah

Anyway
After the divorce my mom was so devastated that she never really paid attention to me, just to my brother (2 years and a half older than me) because she tough that having no dad would affect him only. When family members came over to see how my mom is doing, they observed how she doesn't take care of me and most of my childhood was spent at my grandma or one of my moms sisters, leaving mom crying at Sebi of how because of me she lost the man she drove away. (That is why he hated me and did lots of horrible stuff to me most of our childhood, he thought it was my fault as well)

Now that we grew older my mom prefers him more that me (even now at the moment I am writing this) tho she always says "I love you both the same" but if u ask anyone in our family about it, even my brother, will say it's not true and it shows on her face.

She won't shut up of why I am not like my brother, of how amazing and smart he is, not like me, how hard he works and everything. She allows him to do everything he wants and even when he does something wrong it is not his fault (but mine). When i tell her something about him she doesn't believe me or if she knows it is true and people fight her for it, she ends up making excuses. (Poor him.. bla bla bla)
There is a lot about it but I am getting lost in through making everything i say having no sense, sentences one with another (Example: I am going out.My grandpa is dead) so that would be it for now on my past.

I am sorry for any bad grammar, I am not that great at English it not being my language of origin!
Please don't hate on my story of being cringe or saying that i am making this up for attention!
I want to share this to people that may have difficulties in life (alike mine or different) to encourage them that they are not alone and that they can make it through!