I Swear To You

I Swear To You

A strangled cry forced me awake and upright in bed. I shot out of my room and and across the hall to Anastasia. "Ana!" I yelled roughly shaking her awake. Her eyelids flipped open and her eyes filled with tears. I looked at her sadly and held her while she cried until we both drifted off.

When I woke up- of my own will this time- little Ana was snuggled closely into my side. Carefully, I crept off the bed and out to the kitchen without waking Anastasia. I took my medication before setting out to make breakfast: 2 eggs and a piece of toast, as always.

Anastasia stumbled into the kitchen at exactly 7 o'clock. One hand covered her eyes from brightness, the other searched for her chair. She let out a tiny yawn as she fell onto the wooden seat and took a sip of the orange juice I offered her. I took my seat next to her and we ate our breakfast at the same rate as always.

My thoughts began to drift to Ana's nightmares. They were now nightly, a few happening twice in the same night. Each dream much more nerve racking than the last and leaving Anastasia more shaken up. It was becoming more difficult to coax her to bed and it took longer for her to fall asleep.

We left the house right on time and were soon walking hand in hand to the therapists office. Ana refused to let go of my hand until her other was wrapped safely around Dr. Audfrey's fingers. She looked back at me for reassurance. I smiled at her. "Go ahead. I'll be right here when you're done."

She placed her free hand on her hip. "Swear?"

A small laugh escaped my lips. "I swear."

She gave me a sharp nod before scurrying off to Dr. A's office. I continued to laugh under my breath as I took my seat. The woman next to me looked tired and had a permanent expression of worry written on her face and yet she forced a tiny smile. "Your daughter's very cute." Her voice cracked slightly, a tell tale sign of many hours spent crying.

I chuckled. "She's my little sister," I corrected her.

Her eyes widened. "Oh, well, I assumed that since... well..." Her hands made gestures around us.

"I understand," was my simple response.

We sat in silence for only a brief moment. "It must be hard for you," the lady began. It was at this point I realized she was in dire need of someone to talk to.

"What do you mean?" I asked politely.

"You just seem so young to be raising a troubled child."

As much as I wanted to argue with her over her word choice, I couldn't think of any other way to describe Ana. I just shook my head. "It's not hard. We have a system." I decided to leave out Anastasia's nightmares and my health issues.

The woman must have noticed I didn't want to talk about my sister because for the next hour I listened to her talk about her 13 year old bullied and depressed son. The story ended with her in tears and my feeling very uncomfortable. Finally, the office door opened and the doctor poked her head out. "Joseph?" I nodded and gave the women a quick hug and a smile before rushing into the safety of the therapist's office.

Anastasia sat at a table in the corner of the room drawing to the best of her 8 year old abilities. She smiled when I walked in and giggled at the funny face I made. Dr. Audfrey took a seat at her desk and motioned for me to do the same.

"Anastasia mentioned that the dreams are getting worse," Dr. A began. I nodded. She sighed. "How's your heart?"

I knitted my eyebrows together. "Last I checked, you're Anastasia's therapist, not mine."

She frowned. "I just don't think someone your age with a serious heart condition should be raising a child such as Anastasia."

"Thank goodness no one ever asked your opinion." I snapped.

"Actually, child services did." Dr. Audfreys' eyes narrowed.

My blood ran cold. "What?"

"They asked me to access Anastasia's current living conditions. Honestly, I think she should be in a home specifically for children like her," the therapist explained.

My heart pounded in my chest and I stood straight up. "No, you can't take her from me."

"Joseph please be rational. You can't take care of her for her whole life, not with your health. It's better for Anastasia to be in an environment designed for her."

"Come on Ana, we're leaving." Ana immediately hopped up, deserting her picture.

"I'll be contacting child services," Dr. Audfrey called after me.

"You can't touch her."
**********
Ana was asleep when they came. 2 police officers and a child service officer filled there way into our apartment. They told me they just wanted to look around and ask a few questions without disturbing Ana. And I believed them. Until Ana started screaming.

I pushed my way into her room behind the two police officers and shoved them out of my way. I scooped my tiny sister into my arms and rocked her till she stopped crying. She fell asleep in my arms, never once seeing our guests. I laid her back down and each of us exited the room.

I had a familiar achy feeling in my chest and I went to the cupboard and pulled out my medicine, not caring if they saw. I was sure they already knew anyway. "Do you have to take medicine for your heart problem often?" The child service officer asked. I nodded. I didn't trust him. After a few more questions, he excused himself from the room to make a call. My hands began to shake in anticipation.

When the man came back into the room all he had to do was nod at the officers to send me over. I stepped towards Anastasias room and one of the cops grabbed my arm. I started yelling, what exactly I don't know.

Ana screamed when the service officer woke her up and she ran out into the living room and gripped my legs. "Ana!" I yelled and the police officer released my arm.

Dropping to my knees and placed my hands on her shoulders. "Ana, I swear to you, everything is going to be okay. They can't take you from me. I swear I'll never let them. I swear they can't hurt you or me." Ana started to cry and I held her to my chest. "I swear to you, I will always save. I will always be there for you and I will always love you." My heart pounded and Ana's scream as I crashed to the ground was the last thing I remember.
**********
Little Ana, not so little anymore placed the flowers before the grave delicately, as she does every Sunday. She liked to come here because she didn't like to forget. She would never forget. Her brother was her hero. Even if he couldn't come save her in the end.