Finding Abel

Chapter 30.

Tara

I had decided to go for a drive after my argument with Jax; I had no specific plans, but I knew that I couldn't stand to be in the same house as him right now. I was angry and hurt and I felt like my whole world was caving in from right under me. My character was being questioned by Jax, a day I never thought I'd see because I felt like he knew me better than that.

I loved Abel like my own son, I would never intentionally prohibit Jax from being there for him in his time of need. For Jax to even think that I would do something like that intentionally hurt me so much because it told me that his view of me was changing. And it was all thanks to Erin. She was the one who had flipped our lives upside down the minute she stepped in Charming. I never had any problems in my relationship with Jax before she came, excluding my minor battles with his mother.

Erin knew nothing about me, nor did she attempt to learn anything about me on her own. For her to think that an addict was a better option than I was baffled me! If she only knew what I did for Abel in his first year of life, how I protected and cared for him in his most vulnerable time. She didn't bother to learn any of that because everything about her was me, me, me! She thought of no one but herself, and it showed in how she chose to co-parent with Jax.

She never includes him in any of her decisions, and she's always using some psychological bull to persuade Jax to do things her way. She dictates everything about Abel and she walks around like she knows better than everyone else! But if that were true, she would see right through Gemma and her manipulative ways. And she'd also see that I'd be a great guardian for Abel because I'm the only one trying to break free from this cesspool! Everyone here is involved in something illegal, while I have a career that Abel can look up to, something to give him hope for. And if it weren't for Gemma, I would still be practicing right now!

Everything I was thinking, had filled me up with rage; rage that gave me enough confidence to turn my car around to go pay Erin a visit. I didn't care that it was late, she was going to hear everything I had to say! I had been more than patient with her but excluding me from Abel's life was my last straw!

As I drove to her house, my heart was beating fast while my palms were sweating as I gripped the wheel. I could hardly focus on the street signs as I zipped through the roads of Charming, it was a miracle that no law enforcement was on the road to pull me over.

All I could think about was Erin and how much I couldn't stand her. My hatred for her was seeping out of my pores and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I knew in my heart that something was going on between her and Jax, I saw the way he looked at her. The gifts and gestures she gave him, the hugs they shared! Jax cared so much about her opinion and what she thought, and now he was defending her right in front of me! As if I had no right to think the way I did as if he weren't the same person who cheated on me with that skank Ima. I knew Erin wanted him; this guardian thing was just another way to ensure that he'd choose her.

As I pulled up to the intersection that would bring me closer to Erin's home, I noticed her car on the road. I knew it was her because I could see the stickers that the boys put up in the car with my headlights. I had every intention to just follow her home and tell her off in the parking lot, but the more we sat there, the angrier I became. Before I knew it, I had taken my foot off the brakes and pressed on the gas.

My car jumped at the impact while Erin's car was shoved into the middle of the intersection. My anger started to calm and my panic set in when I realized that she hadn't moved nor gotten out of the car after a couple of seconds. The rear end of her car was caved in by how hard I managed to hit the car, and I was about to get out to go check on her. But as soon as I stepped out, another car sped through a red light and rammed itself into Erin's side.

I screamed at the impact that the two cars made, as both passengers sat there unresponsive at the scene. I knew that I would be at fault for this whole thing, so I slipped back into my car and started to drive away before anyone else showed up.

I rolled down my window as I slowly drove next to the crash scene and inspected the damage. The man who hit Erin was older, probably in his mid to late sixties. His head was on the wheel with blood pouring down but I could tell that he was still breathing. When I looked into Erin's car I heard the loud cries of a baby and my heart stopped when I noticed Henry fussing in the back. The back windows were dark and rolled up so I couldn't tell if he was hurt or not. But I knew that if Erin saw me, she would press charges without hesitation.

However, to my surprise, through the dark windows, I realized that the person driving the car was not Erin but Wendy! Wendy's head was leaned over to the side and she was unconscious. I held my breath for a few minutes to see if she would move, to indicate that she was still alive. But once I heard the sound of the ambulance I knew that I couldn't stop to check.

I rushed home without another thought, not even thinking about how my own vehicle must have looked after hitting her car. I felt guilty about the whole thing, but my fear was the dominant emotion. I was scared that someone might have seen me cause the whole thing, or that Wendy was way beyond the point of repair. I couldn't go to jail for this, I couldn't leave my own son behind because I was blinded by my rage. I wanted Erin to pay, but not at the expense of Wendy or Henry.

By the time I got home, I could hardly contain my own emotions. I was in tears as I rushed through the door and straight into Thomas's room. After hearing Henry cry like that and hearing the pain in his voice, I had to comfort my own baby. I needed to hold him at that moment for my own mental health.

However,  when I walked into his room, Jax was sitting on the rocking chair feeding Thomas a bottle. He looked concerned when he saw me crying and immediately got up. "Babe, what's wrong? What happened?" he asked me, but I couldn't answer him as I reached out for Thomas. He obliged and handed me the baby.

"Tara, what's going on? Why are you crying?" Jax asked again.

I just shook my head, "just hold me," I said breathlessly. Jax nodded his head and embraced me in a hug as I sobbed in his arms. He had no idea about what I had done, and I feared what'd he do when he found out.