Reflection

August 2018.......fuck......what was I doing in August of 2018? Oh yeah, I was inside of the closest of my grandmother's guest room recording an audition on my shitty iPhone, 4 for some roleplay I got really into.....cursed I think it was called. It wasn't like anything I had seen someone make back then and......even now. It wasn't like the Aphmau styles of roleplays, or those meant for the younger demographic. This was dark, the main character wasn't some happy go luck good guy who's never done a bad thing in there life. This main character was the exact opposite, she wasn't a happy go lucky good guy........she was a troubled teen trying to navigate life and high school all while trying to find.....acceptance. I think given my struggles at the time it was one of the big reasons why I got drawn in as quick as I did.......but what about that audition? Well......I was some rando kid who REALLY wanted to get into voice action, I remember checking the casting call almost everyday just......WAITING for a chance.......WAITING for that moment regardless of the size or character........and then August 2018 happened. I can remember the day as if I was still 14.......I was in Massachusetts visiting my grandparents with my sister.........not even the slow internet of a nearly 150 year old house stopped me from checking that fucking casting call almost everyday. But of course........my fucking luck.......the moment I DON'T want an audition to pop up is of course, the fucking moment one pops up. I almost didn't do it.......I thought that I should just wait the 2 weeks I had left of my trip to do it when I'm back in New York. But what if I'm too late? What if by the time I get back home the audition becomes closed or filled by another person. FUCK! The moment I've waiting nearly 4 months for is right about to slip away from me.......fuck it, guess I have no choice but to do it now! I rather do it and not get it then not do it at all and wonder what if. I didn't even care at that point about the shitty internet, or the audio quality of my old iphone 4. The only thing I cared about in that moment right then and there was to grab the opportunity that was presented to me and not let go at all costs. So what then? Well the answer is quite simple, I slipped into my bedroom which thankfully my sister was not in for once, made my way to the closet and whipped out that shitty iPhone 4 from my hoodie. I had my tablet with me which had the casting call opened so I zoomed in on the audition lines, then I opened up my voice memo app and hit record. I quickly record the lines, without even a second thought or glance, I just recorded those shitty lines, opened up the casting call again on my phone, uploaded the audio file, and then I pressed submit. Little did I realize at the time, that one press of a button inside of that echoey closet in the middle of Massachusetts, would forever be the key that unlocked my Pandora's box. To my excitement and shock, I had gotten the role, despite in my mind all the odds being stacked up against me, that dodgy audition reel got picked out of the nearly dozens that were also submitted on that fateful day. August 2018, the day where a seemingly far off childhood dream, suddenly became a lot more feasible that I could have ever anticipated. August 2018, is the time in my life I will never forget, I look back on that date and all the what ifs flood my mind. What if I had waited? What if I had never seen the audition when I did? What if I had never even gotten into cursed to begin with? Sometimes in the late hours of the night when the moon is at its peak, I lay down and I ask myself those questions and try to imagine what might've been, it's weird how fate has a way of working out, it's weird how one seemingly mundane decision could lead to a domino effect so large and unimaginable. I guess that's why the lesson I've always taken chances is so big in our world, because if we lived in a world where no one ever took chances, no one ever took a risk and played it safe. Our world would not even be half of what it is now, and that's what August of 2018 taught me. Every seemingly mundane decision that you make throughout your life could unknowingly create a domino effect that can change your life in ways you could have never imagined. And sometimes taking that leap of faith not knowing where you're going to land, has a way of paying off. So take my shitty little tale as you wish, and I guess decide where to go from there.