FINDING MR WRONG (B1)

Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Months later...
"Okay sweetie, are you ready to blow out your candle?"
He's looking up at me with a smile on his angelic face. Oh, lord. He's just too adorable.

"Okay, mummy will help you. One, two, three, blow."
I blow out his little Thomas candle, the one which is sitting on top of his Thomas cake.
"Yaay, good job buddy... Happy first birthday, my gorgeous boy,"
After placing a gentle kiss on his chubby cheeks, I tell him we'll go into town.
"I'll treat you to some ice cream. Then we'll see what we can get you with your birthday money, from your big sister."
He screams with laughter when I tickle his tummy, making me smile. I'm smiling, seeing how beautiful he truly is.

Karah visited him just this morning before heading to work. She's now a full-fledged hairstylist, and she's pretty good at it. She even styles my hair now. Yes, I trust her with my hair. I've had most of it chopped off now, with a few blond highlights to give it a boost. I still have it wavy, but it's a kinda messy wave. She even cuts Jamison's hair, too. It's pretty thick with dark natural curls, just like his daddy's hair. Lord, it's scary how much he looks like him. Of course, he has my eye colour, Blue, with a shade of grey in there. He has his daddy's tanned skin, so his eyes bounce off it.
I guess you want to know if he came with me? Well, to answer your question; no, he didn't. Don't get me wrong, he wanted to, it was me. I didn't want him to.
After everything he did to us, I couldn't risk the pain again. He destroyed me and I wasn't ready to forgive or forget yet. I guess I'm stubborn that way. I hold on to pain, a lot longer than I thought possible. It's still hurting now. Not being with him rips into my chest, especially on days like this. Oh, he'll see him. Of course he will. It's just, I won't be with them when he does. I'm happy he's involved in his life, and it's not like he hasn't tried to be in mine either because he has. Yet I'm finding it hard to trust him. Hell, he cheated on his wife with me. What's to say he won't do the same to me? This is how much he messed my head up. I don't trust anyone. I don't think I ever will either. I mean, he found the courage to leave her. To be honest, he didn't have a choice since he confessed his love for me. There's no coming back from that. It's just a shame that after everything I asked of him, he confessed he loved me when I hated him the most. As I say, I couldn't believe his words. He lied to me so many times, so how could I trust him now?

***

A little while later...
   I'm in town with Jamison, and while he eats his ice cream, I'm thinking about what I could buy for him with his money. What the heck do I buy a kid who practically has everything already? That's all thanks to his daddy and his big sister. They spoil him rotten. Of course, he spoils me. Yeah, I know. It's something I struggle with. I'm not with him, but he still showers me with flowers and chocolates. Hell, sometimes even movies when new ones get released. He's trying. I can't deny it. He's trying so hard to make me trust him. But still, I wish he wouldn't. I feel like he's trying to buy my love, and I don't want that. I want to feel and see it when I look into his eyes. I want to whole-heartedly feel his love. To where I know in my heart, I can truly trust him. As yet, it's still to be seen. Maybe I'm just blocking it? Maybe it is there, and I'm just not letting it in? I don't know, but nothing is standing out yet and I'm not sure it will either. Well, it's been almost two years since we were together, and still, I'm struggling to let him in.

"Oh, I know what we can get you!" I exclaimed. "We can get a new Thomas DVD."
He suddenly babbled an excited shriek, looking happy about it. Jesus, he's nuts about that train. If you could see his room, you'd think it was a shrine to the big-flat-headed train.

Eventually, he finished his ice cream and we head towards the one place I know I'll find his favourite character. Only, they're all out, so I've had to step into the music store. It's where I'm hit with a shitload of memories. It's one of when my eyes not only landed on Cade, but the boy who worked here. Of course, I look around to see if he's here, but I don't see him. He's probably moved on to bigger things. I can't imagine he'd still be working here all his life. I mean, it can't be all that productive, can it? Well, that's just me though. I'm more into collecting music, rather than selling it. I guess it could be cool though. You'd get to listen to them without having to buy them.

***

UNKNOWN:
   Holy shit! No way! It can't be... Wait, she has a kid? Shit, that means she's taken, right? I can't imagine she's single. She's too beautiful not to be with anyone. But she looks amazing. Different from the first time she walked in here. She's more grown-up, stylish, and classy now. Oh, and still with a rocking set of legs on her. They're long and tanned. She looks good in a skirt. I wonder if she wears them all the time? With legs like hers, they should be on display like twenty-four-seven.

The first time she entered this place, I couldn't take my eyes off her. Just like now, only this time, I own the place. I inherited it from my dad when he passed away last year. She's there, kneeling while chatting away with her kid, talking about Thomas and what one he'd like. Of course, he's just babbling away. I'm not even sure if he understands what she's talking about, but they seem to have fun all the same. I should go over and see if she needs any help. Well, there's that and I'd like to see if she remembers me. I doubt it though, since it was about two years ago. I guess we've both grown up a bit since then.
Damn, she's got some amazing curves. Having a baby sure did some amazing things to her body. Christ, calm down. You don't want to scare her off with a fucking tent-pole sticking out. Okay, just go over there and ask if she needs any help. What harm can it do, right? All that will happen is that she'll more than likely not remember me. I can test the waters again, and see if she's single then go in and ask for her number. Yeah, I can do that, no worries. Yet, while I walk towards her, I chicken out by walking around the next aisle.
Jesus, this is harder than I thought. Okay, try again. Just take a deep breath, and go for it. Nope, not ready yet. Christ's sake!

"What the fuck are you doing? Seriously, you look creepy as shit. What's going on?" Jeff asked while I hid behind a CD rack.

"Christ, Jeff, keep your voice down! She'll hear you."
He lifts his head, not seeing anything, but that's only because she's kneeling to her kid's level.

"Are you okay? Do you need to see the doc or something? I can call them in if you need the men in white coats if you need me to? I'd gladly take this place off your hands, if-"

Stupid fucker! Ain't no way that would ever happen. I tell him this too, making him laugh a little too loudly. To which I end up stomping on his foot, telling him to shut it.

"Whoa, boss... Chill! I'm just messing. So come on then, what's with all the hiding? You look like you've lost it, so I'm guessing you've spotted somebody thief something. That or you're hiding from an ex? It's not that crazy chick from Dover, is it? Jesus, she was a purebred bunny boiler that one."
Again, I tell him to keep it down and he asked again what's going on.
"Y-you remember that girl, you know, 'the girl' who came in here that day when I almost kicked your ass for sending that other chick my way?"
He tilts his head, still without a clue. So I remind him of the Wham CD, and how she was into the same music.
"Oh yeah, what about her? Shit, she's here? Where?"
He's stretching his neck out, trying to get a glimpse of her, so I tell him where she is, and what's she's doing.

"A kid? Oh man, I'm sorry. That's just bad timing right there. Oh well, better luck next time."
He chuckled and slapped my back with his hand, almost knocking me over. Dickhead! No, I don't let his words deter me from talking to her. After giving my head a shake, I finally pluck the courage to speak to her. Only, when her eyes finally reconnect with mine, I notice how different she looks. I know she looks different already, but her eyes don't look the same.
The first time I stared into them, they practically sparkled. Now they just, don't. It's like there's no life there. Like she's suffered. What happened to you? Why do you look so sad, and broken?

"Excuse me?" She asked, and I have to clear my throat to ask again if she needed any help.
"Oh," is all she's says. Hearing her say this takes me back. I remember her saying this back then too. Her cheeks flamed red, and I could see she was innocent. She had no idea just how beautiful she was. Is.
When she stood up, I notice she's a little taller, but that could be the fuck-me-heels she's wearing. I can't help it. I end up stepping a little closer, but she stepped back.

"Sorry, I um, d-do I know you?" I ask, knowing full well I do, but I still ask, just to see.
There, right there! That's the blush. She does. She remembers who I am. Well, she doesn't know my name, but she remembers me. I just know it! Yet the craziest thing happens. She just shook her head, telling me no. Fuck me! Why though? Wait, unless she's taken? "Or maybe she just doesn't like you?" I hear Jeff's voice in my head. Fucker! No, she blushed, so I know it's still there. I'd seen it! It was a tiny spark, but it was there. She's just blocking me for some reason... but why?