The Walking Dead (Show) Male Reader Insert

Chapter 1: Days Gone By

Rick and Shane, two deputies, are sitting in their police car talking and eating.

Rick: "What's the difference between men and women?"

Shane: "Is this a joke?"

Rick: "No, serious"

Shane: "I never met a woman who knew how to turn off a light. They're born thinking in a switch, it only goes one way. On. They're struck blind the second they leave a room. I mean every woman, I ever let have a key... I swear to God. Come home, house all lit up, and my job, apparently because... because my chromosomes happen to be different cause I then gotta walk through that house, turn off every single light this chick left on"

Rick: "Is that right?"

Shane: "Yeah, baby. Alright, Reverend Shane's preaching to you now, boy"

Rick then smiles.

Shane: "The same chick, mind ya. She'll bitch about global warming. That's when Reverend Shane wants to quote from the Guy Gospel and say 'Um, darling? maybe you, and every other pair of boobs on this planet just figured out that the light switch see, goes both ways, maybe we wouldn't have so much global warming'."

Rick: "You say that?"

Shane: "Yeah. Anyway, uh... Polite version... Still man, that... that earns me this. This look and loathing you would not believe. And that's when the exorcist voice pops out. 'You sound just like my damn father. Always, always yelling about the power bill, telling me to turn off the damn lights'."

Rick: "What do you say to that?"

Shane: "You know what I wanna say. I wanna say, 'Bitch, you mean to tell me you've been hearing this your entire life and you are still too damn stupid to learn how to turn off a switch?' You know... I don't actually say that, tho"

Rick: "That would be bad"

Shane: "Yeah, go with the uh... the polite version there..."

Rick: "Very wise"

Shane: "Yes, sir. So how's it with Lori, man?"

Rick: "She's good. She's good at turning off lights. Really good. I don't know why I sometimes forget"

Shane: "Not what I meant"

Rick: "We didn't have a great night"

Shane: "Look, man, I may have a... fail to amuse with my sermon, but I did try. The least you could do is speak"

Rick: "That's what she always says: 'Speak'. 'Speak'. You'd think I was the most closed mouth son of a bitch you'd ever hear her telling"

Shane: "Do you express your thoughts? Do you share your feelings and that kind of stuff?"

Rick: "The thing is... lately whenever I try... everything I say makes her impatient, like she didn't want to hear it after all. It's like she's... pissed at me all the time, and I don't know why"

Shane: "Look, man, that's just shit couples go through. Nah, it's... It's a phase"

Rick: "Last thing she said this morning?"

Shane: "Mm?"

Rick: "Sometimes I wonder if you even care about us at all. She said that in front of our kid. Imagine going to school with that in your head. Difference between men and women? I would never say something that cruel to her. Certainly not in front of Carl"

Before he could elaborate, they get a call about a high speed chase.

Caller: "All available units, high speed pursuit in progress Lincoln county units request local assistance. Highway 18 south GTAAD W217 243. Proceed with extreme caution"