We are Forever ft. Us

Gatecrashing Punjabi weddings

March, 2013

"Urgh," groaned Virat over a very late dinner. "Urgh."

"What is wrong with you?" asked Jinks.

"We've won two hard-fought Tests--"

"Hard fought?" put in Jaddu.

"--two hard-fought Tests against Australia, we are to play the third Test in a couple of days and we are in Punjab. And yet the hotel will give us this sort of non-Punjabi food."

A hotel staff passed by. He might as well as overheard.

"Don't speak so loudly, Virat," said Jinks in a whisper. "It's really rude."

"He is really rude," said Jaddu promptly. "To ask him to be polite is like asking a dog to moo."

Over the roar of laughter at the stupid comment, Virat shouted, "I want Punjabi food right now."

"You'll have to do without," said Ash severely.

"I want it too," said Shikhar, who was on the opposite end of the table and had overheard only because Virat had shouted so loud. "I can't eat this stuff in Mohali."

"See?" Virat stood up with a triumphant look at Jinks, Jaddu and Ashwin. "C'mon, Shikhar, let's leave this mundane idiots behind."

"Where are you going?" asked Mahi bhai suspiciously as Virat and Shikhar were slinking towards the door barely five minutes after they'd sat to eat.

"We--" stammered Virat. "We--"

Shikhar caught sight of Bhuvi coming down the staircase, and improvised quickly. "We're taking Bhuvi on a tour of Mohali!"

Bhuvi paused in his tracks.

"Yeah, see you later, Mahi bhai," said Virat.

He and Shikhar grabbed an arm each of Bhuvi and propelled him out of the hotel.

***

"You're taking me on a tour of Mohali?" asked Bhuvi, innocently. "That's--er, that's nice of you."

"Oh, god," muttered Virat to Shikhar. "Now we have to take him on a tour of Mohali."

"Why?" asked Shikhar. "Why can we just not tell him the truth?"

Because it's Bhuvi, and I hate fooling or lying to or taking advantage of Bhuvi, Virat was about to say.

But Shikhar was already explaining the Punjani food scenario to Bhuvi, or the lack of it thereof.

"So we're going to hunt down the restaurant that sells the most unhealthy, most dripping of butter and ghee Punjabi food within ten kilometres, and--"

"Ten kilometres?" asked Virat.

"Yep," said Shikhar, and turned back to Bhuvi. "And you're going to have a treat. Much better than the lousy food to be got at the hotel."

"Ten kilometres?" asked Bhuvi.

"Yep," said Shikhar. "But don't worry much. Ten kilometres is the upper bound. If we're lucky, we might get that restaurant within 500 metres."

Bhuvi looked at Virat, but unfortunately for him, Virat loved the idea. Anything insane, and Virat loved it. He didn't even know how predictable he was, and if they'd had Jinks or Rohit or Ash with them, they'd have hit Virat and Shikhar over the head. However, Bhuvi found nothing at all to say.

***

Their hotel had been sort of on the outskirts of Mohali, so the lucky 500 metres was ruled out almost at once.