The City of Wind and Nightmares

Did she love me?

I used to tell myself she did, but the knowledge have now is telling me that maybe she didn't. I mean if she did...would I be walking home alone on such a cheerless night?

I gripped and tightly pulled my snow sprinkled sweater sleeves together, trying to fend off the chill of the London wind. It has been a drawn-out night, and a brand-new day that feels like yesterday. A day without sunshine because it's still 2 a.m. I should be in bed sleeping to get up for work tomorrow but, I can't.

How can I fall asleep when my mind is filled with the memories we shared?

I mean, we grew up together in this city. It was supposed to be our home, and the home of our future children. But that future has faded, unlike your screams that still ring in my head, "Caine I fucking hate you!!"

How could you say that to me after all that we shared?

Growing up we shared your mom's cookies on the porch, my boxed drinks at school, our secrets in our treehouse, and experimental kisses by the park swings. How could you forget the way you moaned "Give me you" when I had my fingers in your warm place that time when we 'borrowed' your dad's car?

I gave you my everything just like you asked for, but whenever I gave my opinion about the people you date, you shrug them off with contempt.

We used to always argue but this time you took it too far, asking me to father the child of a man I told you to be wary of. How could you blame me for refusing to?

I know we made plans to raise our kids together, but I meant for your kids to also be mine. There's no way I can make it to work tomorrow, seeing that the genes of your growing child belong to my manager. I don't even know why I'm upset; I shouldn't be.

I really do want what's best for you, truly, I do. My manager is controlling, but he's rich, tall, more handsome, pretty much everything I'm not. It was stupid of me to think you would choose me over the bountiful betters in my gender across the city.

The thin snow makes my cheap yellow boots get wet and discolored to an ugly, dark brown. My face got cramped from my frosted tears. I've been walking for over 3 hours now, I know a shorter way home than the one I'm taking, but I wanted to take one final look of the city. I walked by the park, our old school, the place we parked your dad's car so long ago, and now I'm at your porch wondering if I should say goodbye.

You ruined this city for me, you don't deserve one, but I really want an excuse to see the first girl that made me feel romantic love again. I looked towards the fence at the side of your house and stared while the first beams of the sun peeped out through the oak trees.

The wind that rustled the leaves was the same wind that blew away my emotions and froze my heart when I noticed my best friend's car parked by the driveway. You did more than just destroy my feelings and my social life Maria Greene, you destroyed my perception of the city, the only other thing I loved as much as how I loved you.