The Truth Untold

chapter 9 I'm... Disappointed

Honestly, I almost cried... hearing her say that.
Akari: sounds lonely.
Because even if i didn't understand. Exactly what she meant, i felt forgiven. Forgiven for existing by a total stranger. That probably isn't what she intended, but still...
Today I met someone weird. Kyo said making Kazuma stop eating and look at him. Huh? Weird? Kazuma asked. Oh, um, I mean, not in a bad way or anything, but different, you know? It's not like we're friends. We just talked. She said to come back sometimes. Kyo said. Well, in that case, you'd better go back sometime. Kazuma said with a smile. I thought master was the only person in the world who would actually want me around. My mom was always consumed by her fear. My dad had nothing but hatred for me. The somas looked at me with contempt. I was so used to being rejected she was like a ray of light... of hope.

And then there was Star. I wanted to meet her, too. Outside of the dojo. Even so, I only actually went to see her that one time. I watched her sitting alone in that room, and I didn't like how lonely she looked. I wanted both of them to be happy. I wanted their days to be good ones. I wanted to erase that loneliness. Childish thoughts, but they got trapped in my mind, and I found myself thinking, "are they lonely today? Are they smiling today?" it was like something bloomed in my chest. And the worry wouldn't go away. So that day, for the first time, i made the conscious decision to visit... not that it ended well. And when i saw her again, that ending was much worse. She said she wouldn't forgive me. She was lying there in a pool of blood. She noticed me standing nearby and said, "I won't forgive you." at least that's what it sounded like. And then... I just stood there, frozen.
Kyo: my mind went blank. I couldn't think and couldn't understand.
Get help! Ambulance! Quickly!
Kyo: then something snapped... and I ran.
Kyo, what happened? Kazuma asked. Kyo didn't answer, still facing away from him.
Kyo: After that, master took me away to live in the mountains. I'd fallen into the dark... and I stayed there, trapped. Master tried to get me to keep living, but I was so lost. I couldn't forgive myself for what I'd done. It felt like I deserved to die. And the only way to keep going was to tell myself, "It's not my fault." Yuki's fault. That's what it is. He's the reason things turned out like this. That rat stole all my hope. I made it Yuki's fault 'cause... it couldn't be mine. I created a "bad guy" in my mind. And made him take responsibility for everything. It wasn't logical. It didn't need to be. I just needed him to be the bad guy. As long as I could make anything inconvenient his fault, I could pretend to forget what had happened. As long as I could just keep hating him.
Yuki woke up and looked outside to see Kyo and star standing in the rain. I focused on that. I focused on that my–hate– and used it to erase my memory of the day your mom died... because of me. I still can't believe I managed to keep it buried all this time. The other day, I saw that hate in your room that day, and it came flooding back. The memory I'd conveniently repressed. The guilt I'd shifted on to somebody else. Figures. My whole life, saving my own skin's been the one thing I was ever any good at. Awful right? Anyway, when I "got better," I decided to leave the mountains and use hatred to keep me alive. Master just gave me a sad smile. My dad had told Akito I dropped off the map, so I was summoned to the main estate when i showed back up. Akito scolded me. We argued, and then we made a bet.
Before you graduate from high school, prove you can defeat Yuki. Win, and I'll stop calling you a monster. I'll even welcome you as a true zodiac member.
Kyo: Maybe I was secretly happy to hear that. Not because I wanted to be welcomed into the zodiac, but because it fuels my hate. So, I went straight to find Yuki. Of course, I never imagined I'd run into you, too.

Now, Kyo, this young lady is star Takashi. Kyo gasped, turning to star. No. what is she doing here?
Knowing that, can you forgive me? The guy who ran away? Who always runs away? Who never said anything? Who pretended he didn't realize? I was so angry and scared. I didn't mean to get so close to her. I didn't mean to fall in love... and yet.
How? I can't forgive myself.
Akari: I won't forgive you.
Your mom was right to say that. And I don't want you to forgive me, either. Not now. Kyo finished saying as he clenched his shirt.
I won't. Kyo turned his head slowly as he stared at star. Is that what you wanna hear? What i have to say? Either I forgive you or I don't– is that what it comes down to? Are those choices the only ones that I have left? I can't believe she'd really tell you that. It doesn't sound like her... at all. I can't believe it, but... if you're right, if you didn't mishear and that's truly what she said to you, then... then... I know my choice. The only one I can make is to go against mom! Kyo, please, isn't there any way I can get you to see the truth? To accept the fact that I love you, and nothing you say will change that?! Star shouted making Kyo gasp. Her eyes started to water as she whimpered. I'm... disappointed in you. Kyo said as star eyes shrunk then they dulled.
Kyo: You won't disappoint me.
Star remembered him saying that to her, making her tears fall more.
Yuki gasped as he ran down the rest of the stairs as Kyo ran away. (gasps) Kyo, wait! Kyo! Come back! Miss Takashi. Yuki ran up towards star who stood there not moving. Miss Takashi, you should go in. dry off or you'' catch cold, okay? I'll be back. That idiot! Yuki said running off after Kyo. Star then fell to her knees staring at the ground.
Kyo: Pathetic. I was completely selfish. I confessed my own sins, said everything I wanted to say... and trampled all over your feelings. Then I ran. Even though I know that sometimes in this world you don't get the chance to see someone again, to say you're sorry. I know that.
Star turned her head and saw Akito standing a few feet away from her. But if I'm just going to repeat history, then how's that any different than knowing nothing at all?