“Eight … nine … ten.” Gloriana bit her lip when she finished counting the seconds. Everything was utterly silent, a breeze teased a lock, blowing it up in the air before letting it drop back down. It was so silent in fact, if it weren’t for Zsuzzana’s hands around her wrist, Gloriana would have thought she was all alone. The girl had talked, in the first five seconds, a hushed, fast muttering, but had since gone still, her lips sealed. “Can I open my eyes now?”
“She’s ready.” Zsuzzana said softly.
Gloriana frowned. She? Did she mean her? Or –
There was another voice. A voice she recognised, a voice she knew, a voice that made her jaw drop. Because it couldn’t be.
He didn’t sound all too sure as he said “I can feel that she is, but she looks like she might pass out.”
It blurted out before Gloriana could stop it. “I’ve already done that once today!”
The voice changed. The concern left it. And instead, it was warm. Like the palm pressed to her cheek. “I know.”
When Zsuzzana had let go, Gloriana didn’t remember. But she heard the door click as the girl went back into the kitchen, and suddenly, Gloriana didn’t feel alone at all. Her eyes fluttered open, her lips parting, her mind already convincing her the sound and feel of him had been a trick, and she was going to be standing, facing air, a mad dream-
She daren’t believe it.
But
“Brendon.” Her voice cracked, as she saw him, saw him right there in front of her. And he was smiling, and his hand was on her cheek, and she felt him, she saw him, and –
It was the only way she’d know for certain. So she threw her arms around his neck, burying her fingers in the hair at the base of his skull, burying her head in his warm, warm throat. And Brendon laughed as he staggered back a little at her sudden weight, before his own arms wrapped just as tightly around her, holding her to him, an anchor, burying his own face atop her head.
And for a while, they stayed like that, embracing, just … holding. They had never done enough of that before, Gloriana thought. But eventually, after the tremors had passed, and she was sure she could speak, she pulled away enough to press her own palm against his cheek, his strong jawline.
And then she kissed him. She kissed him as hard, as desperate, as hungrily as she could, like she needed it to sustain herself, like a desert wandered would need water. And he kissed her back just as fiercely and intensely, until she pulled away and whispered “Am I dead?”
Brendon laughed gently, and shook his head no. “You’re quite alive, my love.”
Gloriana’s heart skipped, and trembled. “Then does that mean-”
“No.” Brendon’s expression dimed. Became sad, hollow. “I’m afraid I’m very much dead myself.”
And now that she looked … His skin was the palest of white skin could be without being completely drained of color. His eyes, instead of the warm brown of chocolate she remembered, dark, almost black. Through his hair, which was entirely on end, unlike the way it had sort of flopped in life, were streaks of grey and silver. And he seemed to sort of … fade, and then come back again. Like his very being was one of Morey and Argus holograph. “Then … then how are we touching?”
Brendon’s eyes, if it were possible, grew even sadder and darker. “You haven’t got it yet.”
Gloriana’s hands slid up his neck, his cheekbones, desperately as she felt her chest clench with anxiety, with grief. “Get … get what?”
He looked down slightly, avoiding her eyes, as he said “I just wanted to say goodbye to you.”
The wail was so shocking in its intensity, the pain slamming its fist straight through her ribs and chest, and she felt her knees give, falling just in time for Brendon to catch her and hold her upright. “This … no! It can’t be!”
“Glory-”
She wrenched herself from him, finding enough power in her legs to sprint to the edge of the balcony, lean her body over, one thought pulsing like a pressure point Jump. Jump. Jump and be with Brendon.
And she could feel the ground come away at her feet, her upper half pitch forward –
Before she was jerked back roughly, the hands wrapping around her mid-section as she fought them, screaming “Can’t you see? Can’t you see I have to jump! I have to die! I-”
His hand clasped over her mouth, his chin grazed her shoulder as he said “You’re pregnant.”
That. Those two words stopped her dead. Stopped her struggling, and her kicking, and stopped the dangerous thought telling her to plummet to the Earth to her demise. “I … I’m what?”
The palm of the hand he’d used to hold her back pressed flat, against her stomach. And he laughed in a sort of disbelief and joy as he said “Our baby. We’re having a baby.”
Gloriana pressed her hand atop his, closing her eyes as she savoured the feel of each knuckle bone, each finger, everything, before she took a deep breath, and opened her eyes wide. “Impossible.”
“Glory,” he said, his voice so full of awe, and love as she turned to face hi, both hands cupping each side of her face. “Entirely true. I can see it. I can see the life, inside, our child.” Both hands ran down her cheeks, neck, arms, hips, settling either side of her stomach. “I didn’t want to tell you like that. In fact, you were probably going to find out for yourself in a week or two’s time.”
Her laugh was a nervous reaction. But she felt her cheeks lift, her eyes tear up. “A baby.” She whispered. “Our baby.”
And the next time Brendon kissed her, it was soft. Sweet. It was an everlasting memory on the skin of her lips. He took her hand, and like she’d explored his knuckles through touch, he pressed each one to his lips. “I love you, Gloriana.”
“I love you, Brendon.” Gloriana could feel the first tear slide down her cheek.
“You have to understand,” Brendon said. “That one day, we will be together again. Me and you. Somewhere were Mary can never taint. But until then…” he swept a hand down her stomach again, and it flickered. Gone, then there. And he was fading more. “You have to keep on living. If not for me, for my, our, child.”
Gloriana nodded. “I understand.”
Brendon was flickering fast now. He was now no longer solid, and she could see right through him. His finger sliding down her cheek was the last thing she felt before he smiled and said “Until then.”
And then she really was alone.
Or not.
Her hands cupped her stomach just as the door to the kitchen opened again, and Zsuzzana said “So he told you then.”
Gloriana didn’t look up, didn’t stop crying, but smiled as she said “You knew.”
Zsuzzana played with her hands. “Of course I knew.”
“No,” Gloriana shook her head. “He’d spoken to you all along. You saw him.”
“I saw him since he died.” Zsuzzana confirmed. She felt the child’s hand on her elbow. “Wouldn’t shut up about you, actually.”
Gloriana laughed, finally looking up. Looking at the space where he’d stood, just to be sure, before looking at Zsuzzana. “If it’s a boy I’m naming him Brendon.” She swallowed, and made sure her smile was brighter as she said “And if it’s a girl, she’ll be called Thea.”
Zsuzzana’s face broke into a wide grin. And it fitted, because unlike the expression she’d had to wear before, it was that of a young girl. And took Gloriana’s hands, lacing her fingers through hers. “I think that’s a wonderful idea.” Before pulling her along.
“Where are we going…?” Gloriana was startled as the girl pulled her along.
Zsuzzana threw her another impish grin.
“Making good on that offer of yours. Two children to care for, lucky you!”
And Gloriana simply grinned.
