A Lost Hope

Chapter Two

I would have told the man that we were in public and I couldn't talk, but leaving the courtroom and stepping out there knowing she would be locked somewhere forever wasn't what I was ready for. So I decided to talk to him in the courtroom.

"When I met her I I was thirty two years old and she was twenty four." I started. "She has three elder brothers. She's the last born and only girl of the family."

"At that point in my life when I met her, I was done with games and ready to settle down, but that wasn't the reason I married her. I married her because we connected a lot.
She was my type of woman. She had goals, dreams, she was funny, she knew what she wanted in life, she was full of life and she inspired me a lot that I had to question somethings in my life and above all I loved her."

I paused when I felt I was going to really breakdown, so I asked him if he wanted to go with me to my car and let us finish the conversation there, and he agreed.
"Why are we here through?"
He asked me after getting in with me.
"I can cry here."
He looked at me with pity and nodded. I really didn't want to be pitied.

"Beatrice wasn't ready for marriage when I asked her to," I continued.
"She felt she was still young and not ready to settle down. She was scared that there would be lot of restrictions for her after marriage. She talked about the list of things she wanted to do before settling for marriage, but I was able to talk her into it and I made her know that nothing would change.
I promised her that we would still go clubbing, go on dates, travel, see movies and do all sort of things she wanted to do before settling for marriage, so she agreed to marry me."

I looked at his expressionless face and repeated, "she agreed to marry me"

I run my left hand through my bushy hair, trying to stay calm.
I was tired. Tired of life in general. Tired of the voice in my head that won't stop blaming me. "I know I made her some promises but I am sure she married me because she loved me and wanted to marry me."
"I'm eight years older than she is, and her siblings weren't comfortable with it. They weren't actually comfortable with me in general, but she still married me. She loved me, and I knew it. I can really say that she loved me more than I loved her."

"She would do anything for me. She would go miles for me. She would go places with me even though she had nothing to do there. She made sacrifices for me, one of them is agreeing to marry me when she wasn't really ready."

"You can calm down and take a break if you want"
The man said when the tears won't stop. My head was already banging, and I was having a terrible headache. Memories sometimes bring about nothing but pains.

I continued, "Our marriage was fun. She was happy and had no regret. She made us do a whole lot of crazy things, though these crazy things are things which I've done lot of times and I was glad to have her doing it for the first time with me by her side. It was very amusing. I was happy.
"But you know, things happens. Things always happen."

I stopped to put some pieces in my head together. I couldn't believe it was all in the past.
"She made me agree that we would not get pregnant for the first two years of our marriage, and I was cool with it. I was really cool with it.
But we don't know what happened, we were still in the nineth month of the marriage when she got pregnant."