Always You

chapter 4

Tw: suicidal behaviour
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A day after Louis saw Harry with the mystery woman, he has checked every tabloid and every paparazzi picture of them being together... He has seen them holding hands, laughing, hugging, kissing, Harry opening doors for her and he has also figured out that the woman was Olivia Wilde, a movie director.. he recollects Harry getting an offer and even preparing for an audition for the movie 'Don't Worry Darling' ... He never really payed attention to who the director was, as it had never come up.. He remembers helping Harry with his lines and telling him he was doing a great job... He even remembers holding Harry's hand and kissing his fingers to help him calm down when he wasn't sure if he was gonna get the role.
Niall tried to stop him from looking at the pictures but had to back down eventually.

After hours of staring at pictures of Harry and Olivia on a yacht, Louis decides to stop or well, atleast tried to.. He doesn't see the pictures but it's in his head, he is reminded of it every five seconds and he can feel himself going back down the rabbit hole and into the self isolation.

He doesn't want this, he doesn't want any of this, he regrets breaking up with Harry and he regrets breaking his heart.. he just wants to go back in time and get a do-over or atleast for it all to stop.

*1 month later*
Louis has continued living in a half alive state and doesn't have the energy to try and fix it..
Niall, Liam and Zayn have come by several times.. he can see that they are concerned and are basically babysitting him and as infuriating as that is, it's better than being alone with his thoughts...

Today was different, all three of the boys were going to come over for dinner and they were making it as big of a deal it can possibly be, they were probably hoping that he would clean up and start pulling himself together on his own... They knew how much Louis hated to be dependent on someone.

Unfortunately Louis had just finished cleaning the house and got ready about an hour before the agreed upon time and after sitting in silence for about five minutes, the thoughts started pouring in. Five more minutes and he was searching Harry's name on google and maybe a part of him hoped that there would be an article about them breaking up or them not being seen together anymore but he sees an article about Harry proposing to her.. and he is opening Instagram before he even realises what he is doing, he is searching Olivia's name and finds a post of her and Harry together and a ring on her finger.. He was hoping that this was a pr relationship like his own and that it would end eventually.. That all this would not be real and that he would be able to somehow get Harry to forgive him and somehow get the love of his life back.

All hope he had is now slowly fading and he finds himself feeling nothing and he does.. he wants to feel. Something, anything..even pain seems better than the empty feeling he's drowning in and so he finds himself in the kitchen gripping a knife in his right hand.. he doesn't want to think, he cannot allow himself to think if he wants to feel.. so he drags the knife across his wrist and can see the blood pouring out, the pain is making itself known and before he knows it, he has another cut on his arm.. he slowly starts to feel a bit dizzy and slowly loses consciousness.. the last thing he remembers is the sound of someone trying to break the door down.

AN:
I know I know.. sad chapter.. and also I quite literally took months to post this... Idk why. I just kept pushing it but here it is.. I promise I will try to post the other chapters more regularly