Learning Kim

Two

Chapter 2

When Porchay enters the hospital room it's dimly lit and smells strongly of disinfectant and freshly washed sheets. It's late, he knows, but that's exactly why he comes down to the hospital wing after eleven at night, because he doesn't want to run into anyone, if it can be avoided. Tankhun is watching series at this hour, Kinn and Porsche are at their own rooms doing god knows what and who knows what the rest of the compound is doing at these hours. It's not like Porchay really cares.

Kim is lying in a comfortable looking bed, his naked chest covered in bandages and wires. There's a tube inserted down his throat pumping oxygen into his lungs and the monitors by the side of the bed and above it show his heart rate, pulse and oxygen saturation. If it weren't for that tube, he'd look like he's just asleep. Kim's rings, his watch and his necklace are lying on the nightstand together with the multiple earrings Kim is always wearing. It's weird seeing him without them. Porchay thinks he looks younger now, without the leather and jewellery, without the slight scowl on his face and the hard look in his eyes.

It's quiet in the room except for the sound of the machines that push and beep and buzz quietly.

"Hey, P'Kim, it's me, Porchay," he speaks softly into the silence and walks around the bed to the side, where he sits down beside Kim on the wide bed. He feels awkward sitting here, like he shouldn't be here, like maybe Kim wouldn't want him here, like he doesn't belong. "I'm sorry that I am only talking to you now, you know, with everything. I wanted to text you back, but I didn't know... I'm still.... I thought I had more time. I thought I'd get to be angry with you for a bit longer and then we'd sit down and talk and you could explain to me why... why you did what you did. Why you hurt me. Why you said you didn't want me, didn't love me... explain what was even real." Porchay gently takes Kim's hand in his, because he can, now that Kim's asleep. He needs it. It's been too long. Kim's hand is cold, when usually Kim's hands were always warm. Porchay strokes over his long, slender fingers that are so much paler than his own, before he simply holds Kim's hand, warms it up in his own, because it gives him purpose and calm him. It's been months since he touches another human being.

"I'm sorry. You know, I like the song, love it. It means so much to me." Porchay slips out of his shoes and lays down on his side beside Kim. "I thought I'd stay here tonight so you won't be lonely. 'Cause I think you are. Just like me. I get it now, you know, the small comments and allusions you made when I didn't know who you were and asked you about your family. When you wake up and when we've talked and everything, I think... I think we should stick together in whatever way you'd like, because we can help each other out. Be less lonely. Talk about the madness. Complain about our brothers. Porsche is still ignoring me. Sometimes I think he doesn't even realise I still exist. Has it always been this way here? That people don't realise you exist? Is that why you created Wik?" Porchay allows himself to run his free hand through Kim's hair. There are still traces of product in it and Porchay thinks that he should bring a brush the next time, so he can brush it out.

"Why didn't you defend yourself, Kim? They say you had your gun raised and all but didn't pull the trigger. Why would you do that? Why did you let him allow to shoot you? Was it... was it because of me? Because I didn't reply and blocked you? Because I didn't stay? Please say it ain't so, P'Kim?" Porchay fights against his tears and presses his forehead against Kim's uninjured shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, phi," he sniffs. "Please don't leave me. I promise we'll talk and I'll unblock you and I won't shut you out again. But please don't die."

In movies and tv shows that's usually when people wake up and reply that they'd never leave and that they love the ones crying and ... this is not a movie and Kim remains unconscious.