Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and art used in the story. OOC and AU.
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Emptiness. All he could feel was emptiness. He couldn't accept what had happened, so his tormented mind pushed away all unwanted emotions and thoughts beyond the bounds of consciousness. Unfortunately, a visit to Xuanwu Cave broke the dam. His heart started to ache as if it would break. The person he admired and trusted turned out to be just like everyone else. He couldn't believe he let him fool him so easily; everything was a lie – all precious memories and their time together. 'I'm such an idiot! I should have known better than believe he would like me... I will be fine... as usual, I'm fine,' he kept repeating in his head. 'It just hurts so much.' He clenched his fists until his knuckles were white and his nails dug into his palms.
Shen Ying wanted to forget his feelings and memories. He wished to return to the moment he didn't trust anyone. Shen Ying looked at the covered with grey, heavy clouds sky. Big snowflakes started slowly twirling down. One gently landed on his cheek but soon disappeared under burning tears as Shen Ying realised he was disappointed in himself. He was disappointed because Wangji wasn't the person he wanted him to be. Someone who truly cared about him and wanted to be with him. 'What's so wrong with me that everyone leaves me behind... that no one cares about me?' Yet, his full of build-up over the years frustration question remained unanswered.
Fojiao Town, a settlement at the foot of Mount Dafan, was peaceful and calm, buried under a thick layer of snow. Tired of his own mind, Shen Ying decided to stop at the inn for enough wine to drink himself into blissful oblivion. Unfortunately, a tiny establishment had only a few tables, and all but one were occupied. He sipped his wine, trying to ignore the flirting couple at a nearby table, but his mood worsened. Shen Ying was worn out thin, ready to snap at any moment.
"I care about you," a young man said to his female companion. "Please, accept my feelings. I want to spend my life with you."
His mind was instantly transported to a tranquil forest. A deep voice rang in his ears while golden amber eyes looked into his.
'I care about you, Wei Ying. More than a friend... I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Wei Ying."
A tormenting pain tore through his heart, shattering a fragile balance that preserved his sanity. Without thinking, he smashed the bottle of wine on the floor by their table while his silver eyes glared at them with hatred. "Don't believe him," he hissed. "He will betray you before you notice."
"I would never!" the youth shouted, shielding his companion. "I would do everything for her!"
"They all say that before stabbing you in the back," Shen Ying sniggered, challenging him. The air around him grew colder with resentment swirling at his feet when suddenly, someone placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I apologise for my friend," Wen Yifan said, dragging drunk Wei Ying outside. "What was it about?" he asked once they were out.
"Nothing," Shen Ying replied, then pushed him away and staggered towards the Dafan Wen Sect.
His eyebrows knitted in worry. Shen Ying and two little boys stayed with them for nearly half a year, but he never managed to get close to the cultivator. Shen Ying kept everyone at a distance, putting up a cheerful façade. Especially around children. This was the first time he caught a glimpse of the person behind the mask. A wounded soul, hiding from others to protect itself from further pain.
"You can't go on like this," Yifan said, catching up with him.
"I'm fine!" Shen Ying snapped. His eyes turned crimson red while demonic energy surrounded him like a protective shield.
