Life.

Sorry.

Again, im sorry. Im sorry that life isnt how you, along with everyone else, wants it.

Thats how we are forced to live. Funny.. Isnt it? How, sometimes, we are forced to live in hell. No matter how much we try, we can never escape. Even with death, we still live here. Whether you believe in God, heaven, and hell, you're body is still set here. Forced to be worked on so your body doesnt decay in the coffin. Even though your soul may go to heaven or hell, your body will always be in hell. The hell everyone is forced to call home. There is no escape. There never will be one. I sometimes wish they wouldnt open you up, take your organs out, fix your hair and what not. They make it look like you had a happy death. Yet death is never happy. You lived a long life? You died of old age? Yeah, you may have had good days. But, "There is no way of knowing that your last good day is Your last good day. At the time, its just another good day."

Whether its a diagnose, disease, of just old age, everyone has and will have an idea when its their time to pass. So, those dreadful, miserable days, are everything but happy. Its pure misery. Thats why i hate the fact, that when i die, the person fixing up my body will make it look like i was happy. When i had to spend months, maybe even years, in misery waiting to die.

Maybe im wrong. Maybe its good to look happy when im passed. In reality, in a positive way, the death is how you cend the misery. Yet... Ugh. We are forced live through our shitty life we face and fucked up problems that Lord knows why we have to. To gain what? Strength? Courage? I dont know why we have to, but we do. It may be because you have been faking that laugh so people dont ask whats wrong. It could also be that you are brave enough to at least pretend to be happy.

Now. Dont get me wrong. Im glad to be living, not glad where i live though. I live in a world where people lie to hurt feelings or spare them. A world where you cant always get happiness like deserve. Whether you see the glass half full or half empty, you will eventually see there are more villains than heroes. I hate that. Although, there are such things as happy endings. You usually know when you die if youre an elder or have a disease, but what if you dont? You never know. Today may be your last day here on Earth. I guess you can hold up your fingers and yell "YOLO" as loud as you want or care to, but the message isnt set with that mnemonic example. Yeah, you only live once, also, you may only live today. You have no idea when its your last day, here on Hell or Earth. Whatever word suits your vocabulary more.

Im sorry. People pass and are out of your life. Yet, you can only grieve at the funeral, you cannot be mad. If it was a ceremony of someone who committed suicide of did drugs, you may be mad because they wanted to do that to themselves. No matter how much you knew them or how far your guys' friendship was, you could have no idea. Also, do not blame yourself for someones passing.

If its suicide, dont say "Oh. I could've stopped them. I could've asked them more frequently if they were okay. I couldve hung out with them every time i was free, so they would know how much i care about them. I could've made plans ahead of time to hang out with them. This is my fault." Fuck no. This persons isnt influenced by you. They more than likely knew you cared for them, but they were sick of having their soul stuck here. Hearing and seeing the evil of the world. Their decision. Dont blame yourself.

If its a disease/diagnose, dont say, " Why. Why didnt i save money to help them. Why didnt i take them to the doctor more often for checkups. Why didnt i take care of them whenever i was free. I was being so selfish and didnt take care of them when i knew i shouldve. Its my fault." No. It isnt. About 85% of diseases/diagnose, cant even be treated by doctors. There was probably nothing you could do about it. So why in the hell would it be your fault? Its not.

If it was of old age, don't say, " I should've spend time with them while i had to. I knew it was close to their death, but i still didn't visit as often as i should. I really wanted to. I should've. I should've made my parents drive me so i could hear their voice once more. I should've cleared my whole schedule to spend time with them. But no. I didn't. Ugh, i wish this wasn't my fault." Okay. So you are telling me, its your fault they lived a long life and because of that they had to pass? No. Fuck no. You spend most of YOUR life with them. So, the times you did spend with them, made them happy. You made their last days or years happy. Feel good about yourself, and remember the good memories and block out the bad.

Life is amazing. This is sounding for real sad, but no. Where we live sucks, but the people we spend time with, don't. The people here, the good or bad, is what makes the world valuable. The good people, make you smile. They make you laugh, they make you happy. They make you cry of laughter, while the bad people make you cry of anger or sadness. Most people, while watching a movie, focus on the Batman instead of the joker. Thats how you should look at life. Team up with the heroes, and fight the bad guys. Fight them with the strength and courage you have gained from their hurting. No matter how many bad memories you have from or with them, hold them by the reins, and take your path through life and beat the villains.

(Okay! This is my first book ever and im excited yet nervous. Each chapter will be my outlook on life. I hope you enjoy!! Thank you for reading. Feel free to comment)