Reincarnate

failure is what we are

I did not plan for it to happen this way, nor would i have ever wanted it to even work out the way it did...i wouldn't call it working out either, because everything is a mess, I just want things to work out better, I regret going to college, I'm failing all because im lonely, i hate having no friends here, I have no friends to begin with, no one wants the depressed introvert as a "friend" anyway.

I just hate being in pain, i hate how i'm disconnected from the "real" world even though i am present here. No one understands what its like to be struggling through pain, depression and other things that may hold me back, I mean...I have good days and bad, in fact; i dont even know what "good days" are anymore because everything is clouded over in darkness.

maybe the darkness has welcomed me, now that i think about it... the darkness is my home.

I felt complete as a whole person when i would dress in black clothing and skinny jeans and have my hair straightened into a fringe, it was who i am.

I still feel that way, it's who i am and no one can ever take that from me.

I wanted nothing more than to be in a band, even though I only sing when I'm alone to my music or in the shower, l I cannot play any musical instrument to save my life whatsoever. It doesn't mean I'm not willing to try, I mean even though I am in my late teens, I still want to gain the experience.

Which is all the things I lack.

I long for the day when i would (or will) become successful within today's status quo society.

I've been a fan of Motionless in white for almost five years now, yet only recently becoming a "hardcore" fan. I'm single, and i dislike straight edge people, however, I love Chris...So does that make me a hypocritical basis jerk? that was something i was only beginning to think of lately when i signed on to dating sites such as tinder and plenty of fish... It would bother me when i would come across somebody who was straight edge, Just because most of the time they would end up trying to convert me into becoming straight edged as well... which is really pathetic, Im my own person and nobody can ever tell me how I can or cannot live my life. I Live my life the way I want to...My way.