Behind Her Hair

Ashley

I've been lying awake all night, trying to figure out what to do next. I like a girl, but I have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend!

I can't tell anyone. Not yet.

I texted Emma earlier, but I may have come off too desperate.

I can't tell her anything, or else I'd lose everything I have worked so hard for.

I learned how to clear my search history, and then looked up some "am I gay" quizzes. Most of them told me I was bi, actually. I guess that could be true, it would mean I have a chance at a normal life.

Emma probably thinks I'm trying too hard. What am I saying? I am trying too hard.

Well, there is one sleepless night, it is morning at this point. Well I should get up now. I'll just drink a shit ton of coffee, and hopefully that'll get me through the day.

Mom is in the kitchen when I go downstairs. What would she think of this? She told me once that crossdressing has gone too far, and that kinda ties in with this.

What would I say anyways? "Hey mom I know I'm not allowed to date, but I have a crush on a girl!" That'd go great. I can't tell her yet. If I got kicked out, I couldn't go to Jake's, so I'd probably end up on the street.

Jake picks me up that morning, and the ride is full of uncomfortable silence. But he does ask me if I am doing anything after school. I tell him I'm busy. My tone was hard, and he didn't push it.

The school day drags on long enough, and Emma and I meet up after school. I could tell she wasn't really comfortable at the mall though, so I suggested going somewhere else. I also wanted to avoid Jake.

"How about the library?" She said, "Nevermind, it was a stupid idea." She blushes.

"No," I say, "I actually have some books I wanna read." If she wants to go to the library, we can go to the library.

She smiles. It's really cute.

We start walking in awkward silence. But when we are almost there, I grab her hand, like I usually grab Jakes. I feel my face heat up. Please kill me now.

But she doesn't say anything when we walk in, thank god. We walk upstairs to the teen section, and she immediately goes to one of the shelves. She picks out one book.

"This is my favorite book," she excitedly says, not acting shy at all. It's nice to see a part of her that is willing to speak up. She held up the book, which was called "Cinderella is Dead"

I ask what it is about. "Don't worry, it's not as creepy as its title." She laughs. I can't help but hear something flirty in her voice, "It's about a girl who doesn't want to be sold into marriage. She escapes and then meets a descendant of Cinderella."

I take the book and read the inside cover. It says that the main character wants to marry her best friend instead. Her female best friend. Maybe I do have a chance.

We finished our homework together. Emma is surprisingly smart! She was able to help me understand certain concepts I've had trouble with. At one point, I was about to write something wrong, but she grabbed my hand. She explained what I did wrong without letting go. But when she realized she was still holding it, she blushed and quickly took her hand away.

Soon enough, Emma had to go home. But she left Cinderella is Dead on the table. I took it out, and planned on reading it that night.

When I was walking home, I realized that I wanted to be with Emma. But that wouldn't be fair to Jake. I have to break up with him.

'Can I come over after school tomorrow? We need to talk.' I texted. Tomorrow was gonna be rough.

As I walked in, Mom cornered me. She was holding my notebook.

"Ashley, do you care to explain why your notebook is full of this boy's name?" She asked. She doesn't let anything slide, does she?

"Yeah, I have a boyfriend, so what? I'm 15, and it's not like anything bad is happening." I say, cause I don't give a shit right now.

She sighed, "Ashley. I know you're getting older, and more mature, but you still live under my rules, and I don't want you dating yet. You are still young. You will break up with this boy tomorrow."

I wanted to be mad at her. I really did, but she had given me a way through this breakup on a silver platter. But I can't exactly tell her that, so I just rolled my eyes and went upstairs.

813 words, not bad