"Give him back," I say. My voice breaks, and I fall to my knees.
Scribbled on paper, herbs, crushed egg shells, a bowl, matches, a dagger, and I are all sitting inside a circle on the hard ground.
Candles lay in a circle most are half-melted, and there's a line of salt on the ground running along the candles.
The cool air caresses my arms, nipping at my exposed skin. Goosebumps form. I ignore it. It's no worse than the cold ground under my naked body.
Still, I sit. Staring at the moon and her beautiful face. Half of it is hidden in the dark. She's being coy tonight.
The way the stars twinkle around her. They're her backup dancers, she's the main show.
I whisper sweet nothings to her. A lump in my throat and tears burned my eyes. I beg and pleaded with whoever was listening.
I was starting to think no one was.
My skin pings to remind me, my body is freezing.
It's the middle of December.
The 21st to be exact. The night of the solstice. It was supposed to be one of the best nights for spell work that's why I'm here. Desperation has brought me here.
All I want is to be whole again. To have my other half back, to not feel so empty.
To not be alone.
I never really cared about being alone before he came along. Then he smashed all my walls, brick by brick. Slowly he made me care. He woke up a part of me I didn't know I had. A feature only for him.
One day I woke up and found him buried deep within my bones. I never stood a chance after that. My heart swells. He pushed me to be my best me.
I miss that me.
I woke up another day and he was gone just as quickly as he had shown up.
Poof. Gone.
All that was left behind was the shattered pieces of my life and heart. Moving on wasn't an option. Not that I didn't try. Lord knows I did.
It's been two years, and I still think about him. Still see him in my dreams. There are mornings I wake up and still think he's beside me.
Like it's all a bad dream.
I wish it was.
Now you see why I'm in a field in the middle of a cold winter night, naked, casting spells.
The elders and internet friends have all warned me, you can't change free will. Nothing good will come from this. That I should just accept fate as it is. He's probably happy with someone else and I should do the same. That last part always leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and bile in my throat.
Fuck that.
I deserve answers. Closure.
Happiness.
Worst case scenario we talk and end things mutually. I lie to myself and say I can live with that.
In the best-case scenario, we talk and work things out. Then live happily ever after. This is what I'm wishing for.
Dirt, and gravel dig into my legs. If my legs hadn't gone numb long ago I would have given up by now.
My fingers ache as I once again scribble my wishes, hopes, and dreams on them. This time I use the paper to make a bundle. Gripping some long dead grass I tie the bundle close.
I clench the bundle to my chest and whisper into it.
"What was once mine, should return to me."
My nerves start to fray as I stare at the dagger beside me. An uneasy feeling settles over me. A knowing voice whispers in the back of my mind.
"There's no going back from that."
I shove that voice aside. A need deep inside me propels me toward this moment.
I lay my palm on the hilt of the dagger. The cold made the metal bite into my hand. Before I can think about what I am doing, I drag the blade across my forearm. Not too deep but big enough. Blood pours down from my fingers to the ground. Moving quickly I use my nonbleeding hand to place the bowl under my bleeding hand.
"I'm paying the price, I call upon you," I say. Just above a whisper and sounding unsure.
"Bring him back and make him love me again," I demand. Behind me, a twig snapped. A chill went down my spine. I guess I wasn't as numb as I thought I was.
"Careful how you speak to me, little one." A strange voice chuckled behind me.
