Finding Who I Am....

First questioning

When I was 5 I thought "I don't feel like a guy but I don't feel like a girl either" this was the first time I questioned my gender. But soon after I thought "well I like girly things and I like dresses I must be a girl and I love my long hair". That was the first time I questioned, when I was 7 someone asked me if I was a girly girl or a Tom boy, I said I was both, they said I had to pick one, but it was true I was both. At that point I didn't think anything of it. When I was 10 I met a person figuring out their own identity and it was confusing for me since I never knew before that you could change your gender, I was thinking to myself at this point, what if I am not a girl what if I am a boy or something else. Once again I talked myself out of it saying I like dresses and I like "girly" things. When I was 11 I was thinking into it more seriously and stuff. I did my research and stuff but I convinced myself I am not because "I don't look non binary" little did I know then there is no right way to look non binary. Finally in 6th grade I did massive research and many online tests and videos of "How to know if you are non binary". I was sitting there in my bed thinking "I am non binary" and this time I didn't talk myself out of it. So I came out to myself but then it was hard being in the closet. Keeping this huge part of myself a secret from everyone. So I decided to come out to my best friend at the time... she thought it was a phase, I have gone through phases before but not one as serious as this. At that point I started to drift away from her a little bit but we were still friends. But the school year was out for the summer so we didn't talk much. When we came back I met a different girl her name was Cali. I told her I was non binary and she 100% supported me and my identity. She was the first person I told to support so much. We became much better friends after that. Around this time I started questioning my sexuality. I didn't know if I was pan, bi, straight, I didn't know. Soon later I started developing feelings for Cali and that was what was making me question the most soon later I came out as pan to Cali. Again she supported me 100%. At the time Cail identified as lesbian, so at the time I was sad because I knew I wouldn't be able to date her. But we hung out more and more and then became best friends. And we supported each other through everything and didn't judge each other.