Overcoming Suicide

Chapter One: Red Baby

Growing up I always knew I wanted a child. A person that came from me. Meant for me to love and cherish forever. So when I found out I was pregnant you can probably tell how overjoyed I was. Until the day I got the ultrasound.

It was a cold winter day in January and I was at the doctors office waiting for the doctor to come in. I must have waited an hour in the waiting room. Then I had to wait another half hour in the doctors room. When the doctor finally came in she told me to sit down on the table. She then had me take off my shirt. Since I was ten I have been self conscious of myself so you can tell how awkward I felt sitting there in nothing but my black lace bra. I was always one of the biggest kids in class. I have slimmed down some since high school but I'm still not considered small by most people.
The lady came over and shoved me onto my back. I was now lying with my breasts to the air and I felt even worse. Another random fact about me is that I have really small breasts for my weight. She smeared a very cold substance onto my stomach and then rubbed this long metal thing over it.
I felt really relaxed and I may have even fallen asleep, but I'm not sure. So when a hear the doctor say "oh my" really loudly I am startled. What? I asked. Is there something wrong?
Well not wrong but strange. The baby is showing up red on the ultrasound. It should look grey. Hold on ill be right back she said.
When she came back in she wasn't alone. She had two other female nurses with her and a male. My first thought is cover yourself. I am married after all. There's nothing to cover myself with I think to myself. So I just stay there out in the open.
The two women immediately go over to the screen and look at my ultrasound, but the man lingers near me. Then he comes over and starts touching my stomach. He feels around and then walks over with the other nurses. I can hear them talking but I can't understand what they are saying.
A few minutes later the doctor comes over and tells it must have been a glitch and everything is fine. What's the gender I ask? It's a girl they said.
A girl? What will it be like to have a daughter? I secretly hoped that it was a daughter. I had always thought I wanted to have a girl first, and now I will be.