short stories

I hate pretty boys

maybe I do like the way he smiles, in fact, maybe it even gives me butterflies. but no matter how pretty he is, no matter how badly I want to hold his hand or braid his fluffy hair or make him laugh just to hear his joy, it's not worth it. I want to be by his side but I can't be because he doesn't feel the same, leaving me hanging for days on end than leaving me on opened for hours, and ill try again despite my friends telling me not to, it can only become clear he doesn't care and he never will. no matter how badly I want to leave soft kisses all over his face so he knows he is loved, and I want to draw hearts on his wrists, or hug him close late at night till our heartbeats sync up, he will never feel the same way and I can't make him feel the same. despite all this, I can't help the kisses the butterflies leave on my stomach, or the way my heart stops when he laughs because oh my god is it beautiful and his smile makes me want to die because how is he real? despite how much he leaves me hanging I still can't help wanting to be the reason for his happiness.

I wish I could say I hate him. I wish I could say I want nothing to do with him and he means nothing to me. I wish I could say his laugh annoys me and his smile makes me wanna gag. I wish I could say his hands are entirely repulsive and unholdable. I wish I could say his hair is a mess and he needs to do better. but I can't, I'd be a liar if I said that. but I can say with confidence, I hate pretty boys.

Pretty boys are cruel. Pretty boys will break your heart and destroy your life with a smile. They'll come into your life, make you feel so safe, they'll let you look at them with a look that so clearly shows that they're your whole world. Then they'll start to disappear, one second he's saying he loves you but as soon as you blink he's gone and all that's left is a broken heart.

Pretty boys are hypnotic. Pretty boys are liars. Pretty boys honey their words and twist them with pretty smiles. When they give you those eyes you are powerless, and when they kiss you, you become nothing but a toy. To a pretty boy, you are discardable, unnecessary, replaceable. But to you, he's your world. those honey words take root in your heart and that smile is worth protecting. those eyes take everything bad away. his kiss is happy, and peaceful, and it's warm. I truly wish I could say I hate you. If I could that'd make things a lot easier. if I hated you I wouldn't stay up all night wishing I could hug you one more time, because if I did maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad. if I hated you maybe I wouldn't have to drink to take the edge off. if I hated you I wouldn't desperately wish you were back in my life.

My dearest world,

How fucking dare you?