Unfortunate Wish

I hurry down the stairs, nearly tripping over my feet from the fact that this cheap black mask has absolutely no peripheral advantage. I check my phone screen to read the time. If I run, I won't be late! I wave goodbye to my cat, who fittingly has a little green eared hat on. The mandalorian craze has reached it's peak. The Halloween party will be flooded with Din Djarins, Grogus, and Boba Fetts alike. It is only fitting that I dress as the infamous Darth Vader. I could pretend to choke and stab them with my noisy red lightsaber. I wield the plastic in my hand with a dark intent and reminisce on my fantasies. I press the button as a spring lets out the red saber coupling with a crappy recording of the iconic sound.

I swing open the door, staring at my sleeping companion. "I wish I were a real Sith Lord. Wouldn't that be neat to have a red lightsaber?" I converse with my cat. She squints her eyes at me and falls back asleep in her bed. I sigh as I put away my fake weapon in my costume belt.

I stride out the door and close it behind me. A bright natural light blinds my eyes. I could have sworn it was dark out. I take off my mask to see a scene of chaos and droids fighting around me. The warm fall colored leaves and concrete of my neighborhood is now replaced with fields of green lush grass and clear blue skies above. Loud machines and explosions litter my ears. The people that surround me are not human. I look down at my mask in my hand only for it to be a giant heavy blue orb instead. The familiar sounds of pews grab my attention as Clone Wars era battle droids passes a weird barrier just a few rows ahead of me.

The other aliens around me hurl the orbs towards the enemy. They are all Gungans. What is going on? Why is this all so familiar? I drop the blue orb and panic at the pandemonium around me. These are the Great Grass Plains of Naboo. I'm at the Battle of Naboo!

"General! Fallen back!" An older Gungan fighter yells out to my direction.

General? I look around and then behind me. "Are youssa talken to meesa?" I immediately grab at my face, only to feel a muzzle rather than familiar human features. I look down at my hands. They're beige and orange. They're lacking some fingers. They're alien.

I'm a Gungan.

I pat around my face and amphibian eyes atop my skull to fully comprehend the utter shock. Why am I here? Why a Gungan of all species!?

Another Gungan fighter grabs my arm and lugs me up a hill in an attempt to get me away from the advancing droid army. I yell out in a confused terror as I half trip up the hill and finally face plant to the ground. The alien flees for his own life, leaving me behind. A hard object hits my side as I scramble to crawl backwards, not wanting to die from the beams of plasma being blasted at me. I look down to see what kept hitting my hip and lift up a brown cloth to reveal a hilt of a silver and black lightsaber. I clip it off in curiosity.

An immediate feeling of dread fills my senses as I instinctively ignite the lightsaber, allowing a shot from a droid to bounce off of the glowing blade of red.

You've got to be kidding me. Is this a joke? I deflect another beam and then another, as if it were by second nature.

A droid immediate stops shooting and puts his hand out to the one next to him. "Wait! Hold your fire!" It squeals out in a robotic voice.

"What is it?" The other nasally droid asks, prompting the ones around him to stop.

"This one stays alive. Orders from the top." It answers. A collection of quizzical noises hum from the droids surrounding the knowledgeable battle droid. The rest shrug it off with a quick "Roger, Roger!" and continue their trek up the hill together, leaving me to cower on the grass alone.

I get up and stumble over my long clumsy legs to a scrap of damaged metal. It reflects just enough for me to make out my reflection.

My conclusion is correct. I am Jar Jar Binks. I am a Sith Lord just as I wished.

I am Darth Binks.

I fall to my knees in anguish. "No... Theesa can'ta be happening!"