I was born June 24, 2001. Which makes me almost 14. My name is Chasity but most my friends call me Chaz.
I've been called many things, many names. People left me, hurt me, people have made me cry and then laugh because that's exactly what they wanted me to do.
If I told everyone my story they would call me an attention seeker. thats why I just keep everything to myself. But maybe attention is what people like me need. Because somewhere out there people like me don't really want to die. We just want to be saved.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you can try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the out side to try to kill the thing on the inside.
I know what it's like.
I know how some of you guys struggle to get up in the morning disappointed that you woke up again.
I know how you want to ask for help, but every time you get the chance to you don't.
You fake a smile, lie and say that, you're better now than ever and you're life's okay.
But it's not.
I have friends, they know how I feel. They know my story, they know my past, they know who I am. They know every part of me.. Even the darkest. They know my wishes, what I want most, what i've done the things I do.
They try to help me through, they try to help me. They will always be there for me when I cry. And hug me when I ask.. But I can't ask. I can never ask for things like that because I'm scared. I'm scared to be hugged scared for someone to carry me, hold my hand. Why? My parents. Because the only two people that are supposed to hold me and hug me when I needed it.
They never did.
They never do.
Theyre divorced now.
They punish me now.. It's like they punish me for being born.
Yea, I guess I'm still alive because of my friends. But not only that. But also because dying is what a lot of people want me to do.... And the last thing I'm going to do is give in to the one thing they want most.
