The Devil Is A Woman

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     It had been so long without any intimate relationships. I'm just hoping she doesn't get attached. I live a life of too much chaos to be diving into relationships. I hurt everyone I know. As I get closer to waking up, I'm enchanted by a smell lingering in the room. It smells of coffee and something sweet. I'm not sure what. I open my eyes.

"Good morning Sam," Haley says to me.

"Sam? Already with the nicknames?" I laugh. "Good morning to you as well." I get up from the bed and ruffle her hair as I sit next to her at the table. "What have you got here?" I ask.

"I got breakfast from downstairs. I wasn't sure what you'd like, so I got sweet crepes and black coffee." She tells me.

"Mmm, sounds delicious, honestly," I reply. I sip the coffee. Not the best, but I've had worse. "Something about that hotel coffee makes you want to barf but also want to take another sip." I joke. Haley laughs as we begin to enjoy our food. "Not to rush you, but when do you plan on heading to your dorm?" I ask.

"Ouch... that burns," She laughs. "Just after breakfast, I was planning on heading out."

"Would you like me to join?" I offer.

"Yeah, I can give you the tour."

     After breakfast, I hop into the shower. I wet my hair and detangle with conditioner. I add some leave-in conditioner after washing out the regular kind. I add mousse to my hair and flip my head upside down. I grab a shoe string and tie my hair with it so that I can have a tight ponytail. I get out of the shower and dry myself with a towel. I love hotel towels. They are so rough like those exfoliation gloves. I walk over to the bathroom sink and grab my toothbrush and toothpaste. I brush my teeth and tongue until they feel as if they are brand new. After rinsing, I splash some warm water on my face to open my pores. I grab my favorite sunscreen and mix it with my favorite moisturizer. I apply it to my face and pat it gently. As I pat my skincare into my face, I notice Haley staring me down from the entry of the bathroom.

"The Devil's got to have her skin care." she jokes.

"I've been on this Earth for 2000 years, but I've got the face of a 20-year-old," I reply. 

"Two thousand years? Holy crap, dude. Wait. You were born 2000 years ago?" she asks.

"That is correct," I answer.

"I thought you guys kind of just like appeared or something. So that means God did the-"

"God isn't my father." I interrupt her.

"Then... who?" She asks. I look at her, knowing exactly what her reaction will be.

"Jesus," I reply. "The big J-C." 

"No fucking way. You're telling me Jesus got down like that?" She took a seat at the table with her mouth open. I laugh at her response. "So, like... who is your mom?" She asks.

"Mary Magdalene... not many people are familiar with her," I say quietly. I love my mother. I'd give anything to see her again. She was sentenced to eternity in Hell for loving my father and birthing me. She is the only cell in all of Hell that I do not have access to. Haley could sense my discomfort on the subject and changed the subject.

"I'm not the most excited person on the planet to return to their dorm. They told my mom they were worried about me because I left them," she says.

"Well, that's a lie. Did you tell your mom that?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm going to call her now to let her know I'm on my way back." I nod my head in agreement. She picks up her phone and dials for her mom. "Hey, Mom! Yeah, I'm fine. I had a great night, actually," I grin. "Yeah, I just wanted to let you know I'm heading back. Yes, I still plan on requesting a dorm change, Mom. Alright, I'll let you know when I'm settled back in. Yeah, okay, love you. Bye." She hangs up. "Moms! Am I right?" she asks jokingly. I give her a blank stare. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." she faces palms herself.