ENTHRALLED

ENTHRALLED- Part I

A feeling of being caged, enslaved, suffocated and in excess need of breathe. Enthralled.

Love is a beautiful thing, it's selfless, kind and humane. Love they say, concurs all and it is what we hold onto, fall back on, when all seems to go wrong in our lives. There's love-hate and there's a thin line between love and hate. There's betrayal in love and then pain, anguish and the inability to forgive, or to forget and love again on the other side of it.

He sat on a stool next to papers scattered around on the bed, my so called husband! What pains me the most is that even after all he's done to me, I still love him as I did the very first day, very much so. He was still ever tall, ever gentle, soft spoken, but a snake.

I lay the big suitcase I just rolled in from the next room that doubled as a store and opened my closet, totally ignoring him.

He came and stood next to me "Are these traveling documents I see?" I nodded "What does that mean?"

"I am leaving you, that's what it means"  

"You can't possibly do that, you must be joking"

"Oh yes I can"

"You are still married to me" he smirked

"To hell with you and your damn marriage, take it and shove it down your throat!" I removed my wedding ring and threw it at him. The ring hit his chest and we watched it roll on the marbled floor before it finally stopped. Bayo was shocked, so shocked. I have never spoken or behaved to him like this before and for some reason, it felt really good.

He picked the ring and placed it on the dresser, gathered the documents and put them back into my side drawer then quietly walked out and shut the door behind him, like a perfect gentleman.

My mind flickered back to over a decade ago when I first met Bayo and his gentleman tricks worked on me. I was a fresher, he was in his fifth year in med school. He saved me from some bullies I passed by at the library and offered to help me with my massive textbooks. We found out we were in the same faculty and ofcourse he offered to tutor me, the rest they say is history.

"Samantha please can we talk?" I wriggled my arm out of his hold, I was cooking dinner later in the day and very much tempted to stab him with the knife I was using to cut tomatoes. "Leave me alone Bayo" I snapped "Please" he pleaded on his knees, with tears in his eyes, just like he did the first time he invited me to his apartment, his friend's rather, which was outside school at the time.

We studied, played cards, watched a movie, cooked together and ate. It was getting dark and I wanted to leave but he pleaded with me to stay a little longer. It suddenly started raining, he begged me to sleep over, said not to worry that he would sleep with his friends from the other flat. Past midnight he knocks and comes in shivering that he needs a blanket, he said he could manage the couch that his friend's apartment was too cold. I barely went back to sleep when I felt his hands on my body, I said no, he promised it won't hurt. I screamed and cried but no one came to my rescue, up till this day, I wonder if it waa the rain that night that muted my tears and screams or  his friends had an agreement not to interfere.

Later on, he pleaded on his knees. He loved me so much and would never leave me, I loved him so much and couldn't bare seeing him cry on his knees. I forgave him. Six weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.

I looked at Bayo now, still on his knees, "You can stand up, those tricks don't work anymore you know" I went back to my cooking.

Betrayal hurts like a fresh cut wound, even when it eventually heals, a scratch could make it new again and it would hurt just as much as it was new, with the same metallic scent of blood. The other side of my bed dipped and I knew Bayo was staring at me even though I had my back turned to him. "Let's fix this Sam, we can still make it work" his words always, always sounded like dejavu to me, I knew what ran through his mind and what he would say before he opened his mouth, or so I thought. It was laughable even to me now as I thought I knew him like the back of my palm.