I wish I had been with her more.
I wish I skipped that sleepover to see her.
I wish I could see her one last time.
All I want is to hug her.
Five more minutes is all I ask.
I wish I could make more memories with her.
I wish I could take it all back.
I wish she could see our futures,
What I'd be like then.
Would she approve?
Would she be disgusted by the choices I make?
Would she question her own decisions?
I wish I could hear her voice again.
I wish I could cook with her again.
I wish I could remember everything.
I can't even remember the last words she said to me.
Or what her voice sounds like.
Or what her hugs felt like.
I can barely remember what she looked like.
Pathetic, I know.
The only thing I seem to be able to remember is the fear I felt,
The rush I got,
The picture of her lifeless body,
Stained in my brain.
I wish I could go back and fix all the mistakes and fights we had in the past.
I wish I wasn't such a jerk.
I wish I wasn't so stupid.
I hate this.
I hate only being able to remember the awful times,
When she was angry at me for being stupid.
Rude.
Not the child she raised.
I wish it wasn't my fault.
I wish I knew CPR.
I wish I could have kept her with us a bit longer.
I want to tell her, let her know that I love her more than she could ever imagine and that everything was going to be okay.
I want everything to be okay.
I wish they were able to save her.
I wish I'd never seen it.
I wish we'd found her sooner.
I hope she died an oblivious death,
I hope she didn't know that she was drifting away.
I hope it wasn't painful,
Not in the slightest.
I hope she rests easy in her new forever home.
I wish I held her hand.
I wish I could comfort her.
I wish she gets what she deserves.
She was an absolutely astonishing human being.
The one person that made everyone stop and stare.
The one person that was there for you, no matter what.
The one person that was a shining star,
despite all who tried to burn her up.
I wish God, if he's even real, would've decided against taking her out so soon.
I wish everyone would stop thinking she could commit suicide.
I wish they knew who she really was.
If God is even real, why did he have to be so cruel?
Why did he have to startle me into insomnia,
Afraid to sleep in fear of nightmares.
What compelled him to take her away so soon?
I wish it was just a seizure.
I wish that awful, putrid image wasn't stuck with me.
I wish I had done better.
I'm not good enough,
I never have been.
I try and try but I just can't seem to live up to what she is.
That shining star never burnt up.
No, she just shined brighter.
I wish she wasn't so kind.
I wish she saw people for who they were.
I wish she knew how awful we all are.
Despite her outstanding personality,
She did have her downsides.
Some would say they made her better, but I can't stand to think like that.
She didn't keep her light to herself.
She shone it upon those who didn't deserve it,
Including me.
I wish I shook her harder.
I wish I noticed everything else sooner.
I wish I still had a mom.
She looked awful.
She never looked awful.
Mom was always extremely beautiful, inside and out.
She wouldn't let anyone see her like that.
I wish Dad had gotten there sooner.
I wish I didn't feel so guilty.
I wish I knew.
I wish I wasn't so scared.
I wish I would stop being selfish.
I wish everything could go back to normal.
