✅ Younger Than You Think?

"U: Kelly's Bedroom"

Iriña sat back in her crib, reading a book that leaned against the bars opposite. The pages were thick and glossy, designed for little kids who might have less dexterity, so she had found out that she could turn them with her feet and maintain a more comfortable position. She quite liked laying back in the crib; it was a time to be alone with her thoughts. All the other babies around her were sleeping, most of them with the aid of something special in their evening milk. Nobody was going to push her or trip her while she was trying to play, and nobody was going to take her toys away.

She knew that it was silly to even care about all the toys she had been offered. She wasn't little enough to depend on them. But now there were a couple of giant teddies and a crocodile supporting her in a sitting position, and she had to admit that they were pretty comfy. Night times, or whatever time it actually was outside this prison deprived of natural light, were her only opportunity to be by herself. Of course, even then she wasn't really alone. There would always be someone watching. And as she read the books about Kelly and all the fun things she got up to, she could feel herself learning to act more like the imaginary girl. The girl that all the grown-ups wanted her to be.

Her evening bottle now didn't have stuff in it to make her sleepy. It just had the focus gel, and the tablets she needed to regulate her brain chemistry. Since they had learned that she was hyper-susceptible to some kinds of hypnosis, and that it was enhanced even more usual than the focus drugs, they had given it to her every night. Once, Miss Maggie had tried to force her to take the bottle when she objected. But Sylvie had thought of a smarter solution; to mix the pills that she actually needed to keep her alive in with the same milk. There was no way she could refuse to take it now, so there was no need to use force. Somehow, Miss Maggie still seemed to be disappointed by that. She wanted a kid she could hurt in punishment, not a good baby.

Iriña told herself that she was going to be rescued. Her daddy would come for her and save her from this place, and she wouldn't have to be Kelly any longer. It was always the last thing she thought before she gave in to boredom in her crib and reached out for the books. But over the last few days she had started to get used to life here, and she had to admit that it wasn't too bad. She thought that she might have been happier if she didn't find it so hard to avoid learning what was in these books. But she knew it wasn't her fault; it was just something she was forced to read, and she had to hope that all those lessons would fade away once she could stop reading about the fun Kelly was having. It was something she could put up with for now.

She turned the page again, and felt the warmth flooding her diaper. She didn't know if that was because of the special stuff in her bottle – now she barely paid attention to the symbols on her special bracelet as long as it gave a happy chirp, and she didn't know what they had given her today – or because she'd spent so long reading about how Kelly never tried to hold her pee, and loved the warmth that reminded her what a little baby she was going to be for her Mommy and Daddy.

Everything was a bit fuzzy and confused now. By the time Kelly closed the book, she really wasn't sure who she was. It felt so natural to see herself as a good baby, and it was fun to read the picture books that taught her how easy it was to be a little girl. She knew that she hadn't wanted to learn all this stuff, but it was hard to remember why. She was having too much fun, reading about the other Kelly in the books and sharing in how much she enjoyed it. And someday, Kelly knew that she could go home with Mommy and Daddy, just like the girl in the books. She was looking forward to that more than anything else.

She knew that she'd read this book before, but every time seemed like the first time, and she was always excited to reach the end. It was like she remembered it all, and she had learned all the lessons, but something about the way the books were structured meant that she couldn't recognise which one she was reading. But she knew by the time she got to the end what it was teaching her, and she knew what was going to happen. She knew that she didn't like it either, but knowing that wasn't the same as feeling it. Not when this was what all the grown-ups wanted her to learn. So Kelly cheered a little as she closed the last page of the book, and then lifted herself up slightly as she gave a little push and filled her diaper. She could feel the mess squishing around as she leaned over to take the next book, but there was nothing else she needed to do about it, until it was morning and the grown-ups came to help them all get up.