it Can Never Be The Same

And Nothing is Forever

A/N: Hi, so I wasn't going to add another chapter until I heard Nothing is Forever last night and yea it made me wanna write more sad Robert and Mary stuff.

I awoke the next morning looking to my side, sighing with relief that she was still alive. Though she looked much worse, her chest was still rising and falling with each breathe she took-each one slow and steady. It calmed me to watch her sleep peacefully, despite having done this for decades, it still warmed my heart to watch her sleep. I remember how after long nights at the pub, we would go straight to bed, how she would look like the Disney cartoon of Snow White, with her black hair surrounding her, her peaceful look as the moon shone in on her pale face, and making her red stained lips look almost bloody. Despite how she had deteriorated over the last few months, to me, she looked just as beautiful now, then she ever did before. 

I smiled sadly remembering the first time I saw her, how beautiful and smart I thought she was. I don't think I ever thought we would've ended up at this point-married, living a fairytale life. Of course I never expected for things to end this way...I always imagined if we did get married and stayed by each other's side, I thought we would've passed just like my granny and grandad-together side by side. I suppose that's how the real world works-nothing is like a fairytale. Yet I still had a silly inkling of hope that by some miracle things would end the way I wanted. 

I continued to watch over her for hours, not wanting to leave her side. Suddenly Mary shifted slightly, pulling at the covers, shivering . "Here love," I said pulling the duvet over her and tucking it in slightly. I then kissed her cheek and forehead. The thought that this would all be over soon overcame me, and I could feel the heaviness in my chest begin to grow and tighten. Despite not wanting to leave the bed, and wanting to stay there watching her, I knew I couldn't sit alone in my thoughts-I needed Simon. Once I left the room, I quickly ran downstairs and called Simon, asking him to come over. 

It didn't take long for him to get here. Once I heard his nock, I once again left Mary's side, to find Simon standing in our foyer. He hugged me tightly and followed me to our room. "How-how has she been?" I shook my head, "She hasn't woken up today, and she's freezing cold." I could feel my voice crack as I spoke. He rubbed my back as we both looked down at Mary's still sleeping form. "I don't-I just..." I tried to grasp the sickly words that surrounded my head. "I-I don't know what's worse Si...see her in this state or-or.." He nodded understanding. 

"Yea..." 

I took a deep breathe and walked over to her side, and knelt down to face her. "Hey, hey, sweetie?" I said softly taking her shivering hand in mine. At that she woke up for the first time all day, opening her eyes slightly, the beautiful blue that filled them staring back at me. She looked almost confused and yet comforted that it was me. "Simon's here." She smiled slightly and nodded as Simon followed the awkward path between the wall and bed to kneel down next to me. 

"Hi M, just-just wanted to check in on you-you and Rob. How-how have you been feeling?" 

"Cold." She whispered quietly, still holding my hand. I kissed her forehead and told her Simon and I would get her another blanket.

When we left the room it felt like the breathe we held had released. I could see my sadness reflected in Simon. I wondered if he had the same feeling that I did. And when I turned from the cupboard to hand him the blanket I knew he had to have.

He had tears in his eyes like me, and I could see the hope he had when he came here had all but lost. He looked how I felt, and all I could do was give him a hug.

We stood there in the hallway hugging for what felt like an hour, comforting each other. Until Simon broke away saying that we should get Mary her blanket.

When we walked in the room, something in my gut told me to stop. Something was off and I didn't know what. Simon turned around, looking confused; "You-you alright Rob?" I shook my head.  But I ignored the feeling and pushed on towards Mary's side of the bed.

But this time as we approached her side of the bed it was Simon's turn to stop. "Ro-robert." He said in a shaky voice, "you-you should probably stay right next to her." Confused I looked over his shoulder to see Mary in a dreaded state.

For a moment I wondered why Simon had spilled tomatoes soup, and where it had come from. Until I saw Mary's face, and it hit me; it wasn't soup... I felt nauseous at the realization that Mary had coughed up all the blood.

In a flash I pushed down my horror and anxiety, and felt as though I needed to stay in a plan of action. I could see she was thankfully still breathing and tried to remove the blanket soaked in blood from her. As I did I could see how visibly cold she was and quickly took the clean blanket from Simon's hands, almost barking at him to fetch another one and to throw the bloody one in the wash. He curtly nodded, rushing to the hallway.

Meanwhile I had crawled into the bed, laying her head in my lap as I began to try to clean up Mary, using one of my shirts from the floor to clean off her mouth and her hair as best I could. Halfway through she seemed to have woken up.

"Robert..." She croaked holding my handed. Her breathing began to grow desperate by the second and she seemed to almost be gasping for air. With all her strength she tried to sit up. I looked down at her and helped her, leaning her head on my shoulder, and wrapping my arms around her. I was hoping that my heat would warm her in addition to the mountain of blankets on top of us.

Just as Simon came in with two more blankets, Mary whispered in my ear; "No matter how far away...I will always love you." Simon stared at us wide eyed. For a moment I wondered why, I knew I looked like shit. Fuck we both did. But it wasn't worth the look of horror. That is until I realized she was limp and no longer breathing.

"M-mary?" I asked shakily, turning her now limp body to hopefully wake her up. "Mary!" Still no answer. At this point my calmness broke into panic and I began to shake her body. Nothing.

Simon dropped the blanket and ran downstairs to call an ambulance. But I knew there was no use. She had passed away. I kissed her body, holding her tightly. Ignoring how cold she was growing. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't how it was supposed to end.

By the time Simon came back I had completely lost all sanity. I kept repeatedly begging her to wake up. To come back to me. But she wouldn't. She wasn't going to...

I refused to leave her, even when the ambulance came and pronounced her dead. To hear it didn't feel real. She-she couldn't be....