Life is like a heartbeat, it goes up and down and eventually it comes to a stop, some earlier than others. Right now though my heart is racing, feeling as though it was going to burst out of my chest. I was overcome with anxiety and worry, unsure of whether or not she would make it. I didn't want another loss added to my already long list. This year has been hard enough, beginning with the moment when all my friends left.
My misery started on March 2nd. It was parents-teachers conference day or should I say grandma-teachers conference day.
The whole conference was just "Niki is bottom in every single subject but art, he needs to study much harder." And when the conference ended the room was full of thick tension, only negative words having been said. My already low confidence was now probably lower than the deep sea. As for my grandma, I didn't actually know how she was feeling. Being too embarrassed to even look at her.
Instead I begrudgingly walked over to my friends. Coming over to them hoping for support but before I was even able to get a word out. I was bombarded with questions. "Why did your grandma come?" "Where are your parents?" Still thinking about recent events I mindlessly replied "I don't have parents, only my grandma." After 5 seconds of silence a bunch of gasps sounded throughout the room, and not much long after that I was standing all alone.
Needless to say it was never the same after that. I was treated as if I was more invisible than a ghost. And when the best part of my days used to be during school, it was now when I'm walking home from school. The walk was always silent and empty with no one to judge me. Today would have been like that as well. If I hadn't noticed a bright red flyer lying in contrast to the dull grey concrete floor it was lying on. Curious, I picked it up. Once I had reached the bottom of the page I knew that this was my ticket out. Out of the school I felt miserable in. The flyer was asking for students to join this art school in the city. It was free and all you had to do was submit a piece of art and see if you get accepted. Excited, I sprinted home faster than a marathon runner. As soon as I got in my room I gathered all my art supplies and started singing. My brush strokes flying across the paper without a stop.
After one lonely week but probably the best week of my life, where I did nothing but sing. I had already told grandma about moving schools and she seemed really happy for me offering to help anyway that she could. Though that was probably our only conversation. Me and grandma had grown distant only exchanging a few words each day. I knew I should talk to her but I had been too busy painting. However today I had no excuse, I already submitted and got told that I got accepted. Feeling ecstatic I quickly dashed up to my grandma's room, excited to tell her the wonderful news.
I twisted the door handle open, shuddering when I felt the cold metal against my warm skin. That's odd. Why is grandma already asleep? I slightly shook her shoulders so she would wake up, shaking even harder when I saw her eyes still shut closed. But when I saw her still lying like a stone I knew something was wrong. "Grandma?!! Wake up!" I shouted, starting to panic. Hurriedly I took out my phone and shakily dialled 911.
Before I knew it, both me and grandma were in the ambulance. My grandma, lying on the stretcher attached to a bunch of tubes. And me sitting next to her, afraid and regretful.
Although all that happened only a few hours ago it had felt like thousands of years. And as every second went by it felt like another needle had been poked in my skin. "Niki, we have both good news and bad news for you" the doctor said walking in, with my grandma's future written on the clipboard in his hand. "Good news, your grandma will wake up soon" and as soon as I heard those words, I let out a long sigh of relief. "But the bad news is that your grandma has leukaemia." This time I let out big droplets of tears. I wasn't the only one crying though.
My grandma had woken up soon enough to hear the news. "Are you ok?" I questioned. "I feel fine Niki" and I had never been so happy to hear her voice. The doctors checked my grandma and left. Now it was just us two alone in the cold white room. But this time instead of the awkward silence like the past week it was comforting, even though we were both still shaken up by the news. "Did you get accepted into the Kpop school?" she asked, looking at me with her sweet soft almond eyes. Now if it was a few hours ago my answer would have been a joyful yes. But now, I didn't know what to say. I couldn't leave my grandma alone all sick, I was the only person she had left. I want to stay here and take care of her, to be by her side until her very last breath. So I muttered a soft "no" knowing it was the best thing to do. Even if I had to endure being ignored it would be worth it, anything would have been.
