Bad again ~ Paulchard Fanfiction

Chapter 11

Flake felt his blood freeze and boil at the same time in his veins.
Richard was standing in front of him. He had a strange expression on his face, but Flake didn't dare to lower his guard. "What..? What do you want, Reesh?" He asked in the kindest way possible. The lead guitarist clenched his fists and sighed.
"I need to talk." He said. "About what?" Flake asked, daring to turn for a moment to dry his hands.
"About...Paul." Richard felt incredibly weird at pronouncing that name. But for Flake it wasn't the same. It was like a giant stone had dropped in his stomach. "Don't." He warned him. "Don't you dare say anything about him!" Richard closed his eyes. "Please...please let me talk, Flake!" He pleaded him. "I need your help..."

"Help? From me!?"
"Yes, I know I..."
"Richard, you do realise what..."
"I know! I do, listen to me, though! I...I..."

He lit a cigarette, ignoring the disappointment on Flake's face.
With heavy heart he explained to him what he was feeling, what had happened and how his mind kept telling him to act that way.
He was scared of the path he was going through and he wanted to remedy his mistakes towards everyone.
"Please, I know I hurt everyone and I'm unforgivable but, could you...try?" Richard begged Flake, feeling the notorious sting of the tears in his eyes.
"To being totally honest, Richard, I..." Flake started but interrupted himself with a long, deep sigh. "Alright. You hurt everyone in Rammstein, but there are only two people you should ask for forgiveness. Schneider and Paul. I'm mad at you, yes, you hurt my closest friend and brought him...back to that. But, selfishly talking, you didn't hurt me, in any physical way. I could forgive you, yes. But not until they do." He swallowed and closed his eyes before speaking up again. "Honestly, I'm not even sure if I believe you when you say you're sorry."
"But I really am, Flake for fuck sake!" Saying so Richard stomped his foot, rising his voice to the point his dried throat hurt. "Richard, I said what I said. Until they don't forgive you, none of us will. Schneider is not awake yet and...I suggest you stay away from Paul for a couple days. He doesn't need a mind trigger."
They didn't speak for a while. Richard just stared at his own feet, feeling the burning gaze of the keyboardist on himself.
Then, all of a sudden, Flake took his phone out and called Till.

"Hallo, Liebchen!"
"Hallo, Tilly. Where are you?"
"I'm at Paul's, we arrived now. Why?"
"This may sound a bit weird but...could you stay with him, for a while, please? I'll explain everything later, but please do it for me."
"Ja, kein Problem. Is there something in particular I should do?"

Flake closed his eyes and thought of a moment. "Yes, actually. Try to distract him as much as you can and...whatever he says don't listen to him, okay? Except for water or food, of course. If you're able to make him sleep, that would be perfect. Thanks, love. Yeah, see you later."
He put his phone away in his pocket and walked out the bathroom.

"Olli." The tallest wasn't in the waiting room anymore. Flake spotted him in Schneider's room, next to his bed, sat on a chair. The drummer had his eyes closed, head slightly tilted to the side. He had a white collar around his neck and a few bruises had formed on his right cheek and on his forehead. A way smaller one had formed on the corner of his mouth. Oliver was soothing him, fully aware that he couldn't be heard. But he found some kind of comfort at talking to him.
"You'll be okay, Doom. Nothing broken, you're safe." As he said so he gently stroked his hair, like he was afraid to hurt him even more. "You stood up for him, you are so brave, thank you. You protected him, like a big brother. Rest now, Doom, you'll be home soon."
He slightly rose his head and saw in the reflection on the window of Flake and Richard, standing behind him. "Christ, I didn't hear you." Oliver blushed and huffed, tired. "You,should go home, Olli. We all need rest now."

"I know, I know. It's...so unreal."
"I know. Could you text the others to let them know they can visit him?"
"Yeah, sure. How's Paul? Is he home?"

The keyboardist nodded, cracking a smile. "Till's with him. He's in good hands." The tallest felt relieved at that and nodded. "Awesome, hope we can solve this out." He glared at Richard. One of his rare, disappointed look before leaving them alone.
They took place next to Schneider. Richard was feeling the fire of shame slowly consuming his guts. "Oh, God, Doom, I'm...I'm terribly sorry! I don't know what went through my mind, I don't know why I did what I did. I don't feel myself anymore and the last thing I wanted was to hurt my family!" He sobbed, tilting his head down and hiding his face in his hands. "I know you can't hear me but...I wanted to tell you I'm sorry, I really am. I hurt you, Till, Paul, Oliver, Flake! I hurt all of you because I was too busy being a fucking jerk! I...God, I hope you'll find the way to forgive me, I'm terribly sorry."
Flake merely smiled at his words and nodded. "Well done, Richard. He's not awake yet, but we can call it a step towards the right direction, don't you think?" The lead guitarist nodded and began stroke Christoph's cold hand. "I heard you'll be okay, I'm so glad to know it. I'm so sorry, Doom. I..."
"Fuck, Paul!" Lorenz warned panicking and jumping up. His phone had rang madly deep in his pocket and in the dead silence of the hospital it sounded even louder.

"Paulchen!"
"Chris...Chris help...help me, please..."
"Paul, what's wrong, where's Till?!"
"H...he left a moment ago. Gott, Christian, I need you please, I beg you..."

Flake swore knowing very well what was happening. Paul's breath was so fast, like he was panting. He was like out of air. He was stammering and begging, in a shaking voice, sounding like he was going to cry. He knew exactly what it was. A panic attack and cursed the day he thought they'd have never come back.
But now here they were again and he was too far away to help him. But his mind ran at Till. Yes.
He had taught him how to deal with those. He had wanted to taught everyone in the band and they all agreed. Even Richard.
"Christian..?" Paul called from the other side, scared. He hadn't hear him for almost five minutes and that hadn't help at all. "Yes, hey, I'm here." The tallest reassured him. "It's okay, listen to me. Could you do something for me?"

"I...I try..."
"Good, I'm proud of you Paulchen, lay on the couch or the floor or wherever you are and close your eyes, could you do that?"
"I...I...guess..."
"You can, I know you can. Focus on your breathing. Breath slowly, Paulchen."
"I...I can't,Chris...Chris I can't..."
"Yes, you can! I'm sure of it. Close your eyes, Paulchen. I'll call Till, hold on."

Richard had followed the conversation in silence. He had noticed the fear in Flake's voice and behaviour, even as he asked Paul to stay calm. He could have never done it. And then he waited while, with the same scared voice, Flake called Till once again, and pleaded him to run to Paul again.
"God..."
The keyboardist huffed and sat on the chair, exhausted. "Is...is he okay..?" Richard asked, scared to be yelled at. "It's complicatd, Reesh. I didn't tell you to stay away from him because I don't want you two to solve this. But because, right now, the less people he sees, the better he'll fell. This may sound hypocritical, but...you're coming with me to him, now."