Nothing is Painful than Letting Go

One shot written by: Dyiesika

I have a six years boyfriend. His name is Ruru. Kung ako ang tatanungin ako na siguro ang pinaka maswerteng babae na nakatagpo ng lalaking katulad niya.

Ruru is a good looking guy. Mabait, matulungin, masipag at higit sa lahat walang bisyo. Ni hindi pa nga ito nakakatikim ng kahit anong alak. Puro trabaho lang ang inaatupag nito. Maswerte ako kasi nakahanap ako ng kadalasang hinahanap ng kababaihan sa isang lalaki. Ruru and I have been in a relationship for Six years and just like the normal relationship. We fought and argue. Katulad ng iilan, naghihiwalay rin kami at nagkakabalikan.

Our love story was ideal. Mga high school pa lang kami ng maging officially in a relationship kami. Sinagot ko siya kasi alam kong nahanap ko ang katangiang gusto ko sa isang lalaki sa kanya. Naalala ko pa kung gano siya kasaya nang sinagot ko siya.

"Sinasagot mo na ko?" He asked. Hindi ko mapigilang matawa sa itsura niyang gulat na gulat.

"Oo nga kasi ang kulit! Hahaha" natatawa kong sambit. Ngumiti ng malapad at niyakap ako.

"Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako kasya Jo!" Bulong nito sa akin. "Hahaha alam ko. Pero pakiusap ko sana kung maari itago muna natin. Alam mo naman si Papa diba at sina Tito" I said between our hugs.

Masaya kaming nagsimula. Gumawa ng masasayang alaala. Nagmahalan kami at naging tapat sa isa't isa. Hanggang sa dumating ang point na sinubok kami ng panahon. Makailang beses kaming naghiwalay at nagkaroon ng mga bagong mamahalin ngunit sa huli ay bumabalik pa rin kami sa isa't isa na siyang ipinagpapasalamat ko dahil siya lang talaga ang mahal ko at hindi madaling mapalitan sa buhay ko.

We decided to continue our relationship and I can say that all the break-ups and arguments makes us stronger than before. No'ng nakaarang buwan lang ay dumating ang anniversary namin sobrang saya ko dahil nag celebrate na naman kami ng walang problema at masaya lang. Ngunit tulad ng iba napapatanong din ako...

Pano kung kailan kami tumagal do'n namin kami paghiwalayin?

Pano kung pinagtagpo lang kami pero sa huli ay nakatadhana pala para sa iba?

But, whenever I asked myself like that, Ruru always assured me with his words.

"Jo, lagi mong tatandaan na kahit ilang beses man tayong mag away at maghiwalay sayo at sayo pa rin ako babalik. Sa loob ng ilang taon, sa dami ng hiwalay na nangyari at away natin ngayon pa ba tayo susuko? Mahal kita at 'yon lang ang dapat mong isipin."

His words always gives me a relief. He never let me think that we will end up letting each other go. But for some reason, I can't deny the fact that I am still scared of what will happen to us tomorrow and the next day.

"Ru, please stay with me. Be with me when I am trying to reach our dreams. Don't give up on us. I love you and I can't imagine a day passes without you by my side," I said as I hug him tight.

"I am always with you Jo, hindi ka mag-iisa sa pag abot sa mga pangarap mo. Sasamahan kita hanggang sa lahat ng pangarap natin ay matupad. Mahal din kita at ikaw lang din ang mamahali't mamahalin ko araw-araw," he said and kissed me on my forehead.

Naging kampante ako sa mga pangako namin sa isa't-isa. Dahil ramdam ko ang sencerity sa bawat mga binibitawan naming salita. I'm so in love with this man. I know I cannot find another man like him, that's why I'm so happy that he is mine.

I thought everything was okay. But the most painful and heartbreaking day came. I thought there's nothing painful than break up, but I was wrong... Mas may mas masakit pa pala dito.

My family doesn't like him. They said I can find a better and successful man after I graduated from college. They throw painful words to him that makes my heart ache. Umiyak ako dahil sobra akong nasaktan sa mga pinagsasabi nila sa taong mahal ko. Akala ko naubos na ang luha ko sa sobrang pagluha.

But I never thought that the man who always assured me and never makes me think that I am not enough will get weak.

The man who is brave enough to handle every pain he'd faced was now doubting his self.

"Jo, alam ko...pinangako kong hindi ako susuko kahit anong mangyari. Pero kung ang relasyon na ito ang magpapahirap sayo. Mas gugustuhin ko nalang baliin ang mga pinagako ko kesa makita kang nahihirapan at nasasaktan"

"Ru, I'm really sorry. S-sorry...because my family degraded you. Insults y-you and didn't accept you for who and what you... a-are" I said between my sobs.

"Don't be sorry. Don't mind it. I already accept the fact that I will never be the man they wanted for you. Alam ko..." He said as his tears fall.

Akala ko kami na hanggang dulo. Akala ko siya na ang mamahalin ko habang buhay. Pero lahat ng akala ko ay nagtapos dahil sa isang masakit na pagpapalaya.

"Thank you for everything, Jona" he said.

"R-ruru..."

"Thank you for being part of my life. Siguro hanggang dito lang talaga tayo. Mahal na mahal kita. And if loving and proving to your family that I am enough for you must mean I have to set you free... then I will"

I've realized that no matter how much we love the person if he is not meant for you...we can't never change it and force them to be.

He kissed my forehead. And as he let go of my hand and turn his back on me my tears didn't stop. He waited for me to turn my back on him...even if it hurts I did. I turned my back to him and for the last time we both ended saying...

"I love you, Goodbye... Ruru"

"I love you , Goodbye... Jona"

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Dedicated to: Jonalyn Amores
Written on: July 4, 2021