Not Me

CHAPTER FORTY

I woke up and the first thing I saw was a note from Tonton saying, "I know na wala sa plano mong tumingin sa social media ngayon pero may message ako."

Ngayon pa lang ulit ako sisilip sa phone ko and as expected, marami pa rin talaga akong natanggap na messages. Some even tagged me in their posts but I didn't bother opening even one of them.

Isa lang ang binuksan ko. I didn't expect anything from Tonton so I was surprised to see what he sent me.

A list of links that I can watch - all about Martial Law and how my family name fucked up a beautiful country named Philippines.

Again, tears started to drop from my eyes. Hindi ko maiwasang alalahanin lahat ng sinabi ni Tonton sa akin kagabi.

"I hate your family because you ruined mine. Gusto kong magalit sa 'yo kasi pakiramdam ko, tinraydor mo rin ako. Pakiramdam ko, hinayaan kong mapalapit ako sa taong papatayin din ako balang-araw." His hands were shaking. Ramdam ko ang galit na nararamdaman niya dahil sa nangyari sa lolo niya. "But I know you're different, Lij. Iba ka sa kanila. Ramdam ko,e."

My lolo ordered his grandfather's death. Sikat na mamamahayag na pinatay dahil pilit na nagsulat tungkol sa kasamaan ng lolo ko. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. Kaya naman pala wala masyadong masasamang balita tungkol sa panahon ng lolo ko.

Ang bigat sa loob because all this time, I was defending my grandfather even to myself because no sufficient proof ever existed for me. Kaya naman pala. Lalabas pa lang ang balita, patay na ang may akda.

Walang ibang makakatulong sa akin but Tonton so I asked him to help me find articles that will enlighten me. I wanted to know the truth no matter how painful it could be.

While browsing Tonton's message, my eyes instantly glued on one article.

Ferdinand Garcia and Janice Napoles

An article I refused to believe dahil sabi ni tita Imee, it was nothing but a propaganda against our family. Hindi na ako magtataka kung pati ito, totoo.

Hindi ko na namalayan ang oras. Pagkatingin ko, alam ko nang hindi na ako aabot sa unang klase ko kaya't tinanggap ko nang hindi ako papasok sa buong araw.

I might as well use this day to start reading about these articles.

Hindi pa man ako nakakapagsimula ay nagring na ang cellphone ko and I saw Val's name trying to call me. I froze for a while before I rejected the call. Hindi ko pa kaya. Baka hindi ko na kaya.

Bihira akong magalit sa tao kaya hindi ako sigurado kung galit na ba 'tong nararamdaman ko kay Val. Ang alam ko lang, ayaw ko muna siyang maging kaibigan.

Pasok ka, please? I want to talk to you.

And before I knew it, my tears began to fall again. Buong araw na nga yata akong iiyak ngayon.

There's a part of me wanting to know what he has to say. Pero ano bang sasabihin niya?