good enough

     Jeff was doing the usual; pulling all nighters to keep the class grade average high. But he felt eyes on him. Always. Without a doubt, Tony was always laying on the couch, sitting in the corner or reclining on his bed. His eyes were always fixated on the bowl-cut blonde working the third shift on projects, until both of them fell asleep.

    Jeff was always acutely aware of Tony's staring. He never knew why; he was too busy to give it any thought. But this time, Jeff was thinking about it. His mind drifted from work, and he started pondering his friend's brown-eyed stare.

    "Tony," Jeff said, as he turned around in his chair. "I've been meaning to ask you about something."

     That was a lie. He had been "meaning" to for only the past 5 minutes.

     "Oh! Uh," Tony exclaimed. Usually, when Jeff turned to meet eyes, Tony would look away. He'd never been confronted about it. "Uh, yeah! What's up?"

     Jeff got up from his desk and went to join Tony where he was sitting. Tony, who was laying on his bed, sat up and made room for Jeff to sit.

    Both boys sat in silence for a few seconds, sat in such a way that the light glinted off Jeff's glasses, making it hard to see his face. Tony ignored the fact that their legs were ever-so-slightly touching. Or, at least, he tried to.

    "Tony, why do you stare at me? It's rude." Jeff blurted out. It came out blunter than he expected.

    Tony's face drilled a little. He clearly expected something more heartfelt, maybe a little sweet. Not just a hammer to the face with reality. Dang, Jeff. You showed him.

      Jeff immediately noticed this. "I didn't intend for that to sound mean, that came out wrong." he stammered.

     "Oh, no no I get it, don't worry!" Tony looked up at Jeff, seeming to understand the miscommunication. He smiled, his front teeth looking a little crooked. He hadn't gotten fixed for braces yet. "I'll stop with the staring."

      "It's not that I mind, it's that I want to know why." Jeff replied. He put his hand on Tony's shoulder. "And be honest."

     Tony was taken aback. He was ready for the "please stop staring" conversation, but not the "why do you stare" conversation.

    "Well, I kinda just... zone out often, you know... and my eyes pick that spot to drift to.." Tony stammered. He felt his face get hot. No way this was happening.

     "You know I can tell when you're lying, right? I've known you for ages." Jeff said. He wanted to get to the bottom of this. He wanted to know what was happening.

    Tony knew what was happening. 'I'll tell him a half-truth,' he thought. 'So he won't be suspicious of me.' Tony took a deep breath and exhaled.

    "You're not letting me go until I tell you, are you?" He asked. Jeff nodded. Tony sighed.

    "Well, recently, I think around the time we became roommates, I've been... um..." Tony stopped 3/4ths the way through his sentence. He groaned, pulling his hat over his face. He didn't want to say it, but at the same time, he was desperate as hell to. Why was this so hard?

   "Take your time," Jeff said. "But tell me what's up. I just want to be sure you're alright."

   Jeff cared. He cared about Tony. He cared how Tony felt, what Tony thought, what Tony saw in the world around him. Then, it all came out at once.

   "Lately I've been questioning my sexuality and I think I'm gay but I didn't know how to tell you," Tony stated, rather loudly. "You're my best friend and I didn't know how you'd react."

   He couldn't bear to tell Jeff the rest. Coming out to your best friend as gay is one thing; telling him you're in love with him is another.

   "Ah," Jeff said. "Stay right here, I need to show you something." He got up off the bed and went to his closet, leaving Tony red faced, scared, and curious what Jeff was doing. Jeff quickly found what he was looking for and returned to his spot. This time, he was sitting even closer.

    "Tony, look." Jeff said softly. Tony moved his hands from his face and looked at Jeff. He couldn't tell what he was thinking, but he saw a small smile. Usually, Jeff's smiles were dormant. But on special occasions, they'd shine through.

    Tony's gaze shifted from Jeff's smile to the closed fist he was holding in front of him. He glanced back up at Jeff's face for half a second, then returned to his hand. Slowly, Jeff's hand uncurled to reveal something small and shiny. An enamel pin was in his hand. Tony stared at it.

   Pink. Purple. A dash of blue.

   Jeff looked down. "I've been, too."

    "You.. you have?" Tony asked. He didn't know what to think, say, do or feel. He looked up at Jeff, his mouth slightly ajar, and his face beet red. Jeff smiled gently. His face was a little pink, too. This was the most personal he had ever gotten with someone. Jeff was a very private person, and to share this with someone meant he trusted them with everything.

    Tony teared up and quickly surprised Jeff with a hug. Jeff reciprocated, and held him in return, smiling softly as Tony cried tears of happiness.

   Both risked everything out of trust with each other. Both knew how badly this could have gone. Both knew what could happen if people knew. And yet, they trusted each other with this.

     These thoughts flooded Jeff's mind, while thoughts of relief and happiness flooded Tony's. Jeff was suddenly filled with an urge to keep Tony safe, and to make their room as comfortable for the both of them as possible. He owed it to him.

    "Hey," Jeff said. Tony was quiet for a second, before lifting his face from Jeff's shirt to meet his eyes. Several saltwater spots were left on his chest. Tony's big brown eyes looked at Jeff. Jeff sat up a little, while Tony remained slightly hunched.

     "Look at me," Jeff said. But there was no need- Tony was again doing what he did best; stare at Jeff. The way he had for ages. The only way he knew how to; with love. But this time, it was different.

    Jeff tenderly moved his hands, sliding them up from Tony's back, to his shoulders, then grazing the sides of his neck to the sides of his face. Tony sniffled slightly, smiling his crooked smile. And in one quick motion, Jeff leaned forward and planted a kiss on Tony's forehead.

    Tony froze up. He was simultaneously in his best dream and his worst nightmare. He felt his ears burn, and saw Jeff turn his face away, holding a closed fist up to his mouth as if he was thinking. A sense of euphoria washed over the two.

    'I can't believe I just did that,' Jeff thought.

    'I can't believe he just did that,' Tony thought.

     It felt like it had been hours when Jeff finally stood up.

    "I've got to finish studying. There's a test tomorrow." He faced away from Tony, slightly embarrassed. He pretended to wipe his glasses on his shirt and slowly walked back to his desk.

    "Yeah," Tony said. His tan skin was much rosier than usual. Suddenly, Jeff turned around. He opened his mouth as if he had something to say, but nothing came out.

     "I love you!" Tony blurted out suddenly. It was so surprising that Jeff lost his stoic sense of nature and couldn't help but laugh. Tony, realizing what he had said, covered his face with his hands.

    "I, I guess I do too," Jeff said with a smile. "But I really need to get back to work. Let's continue this chat another time."

   And with that, the two went back to their activities as if nothing had happened. But something *had* happened. Something special.

    Sometimes, if the halls were empty, they'd hold hands. Tony would huddle a little closer to Jeff on movie nights- a lot closer. Sometimes, Jeff would come home with a paper flower to leave on Tony's nightstand. And once in a while, they'd share a goodnight kiss.

    And while they kept their relationship a secret from everyone, they always knew they had each other. And that was good enough for them.