The M in the motel was broken and dark. Only white fan shaped blinds cover the windows, most of them broken off letting the moonlight seep in. There was a small box t.v, the channel set to some random station that breaks in and out for minutes at a time. It murmurs throughout the small room, nothing but a bed, not but the stained covered mattress. A grown man and woman lay on the bed, the smell rotting their noses which crystal up Ik colors of green and red. Their hair matted, their arms and noses numb, their stomachs hungry.
They layed sprawled out next to one another, inches away yet their hands stayed linked - nothing on their bodies but their undergarments and filth. The highway just outside brightens up the room every so often, bringing with them the sound of hundreds of people, each with their own story, each with their own lives and perspectives, not ever once registering the other drivers; forever stuck in their own loop.
"Lillith?" The man's voice is hoarse, crackling with a dryness of a hundred scorching fires. "Mmm?" Her eyes never leave the ceiling, she counts the popcorn stars by the tens, restarting every minute or so as her intoxicated mind always seems to go to emptiness. "Do you ever think...with the benders, with sobriety, with every way of living; that people can find happiness?" You throw a penny, not a thought, but the question still lingers.
It's quiet for a long time, eventually he thinks that maybe she had fallen asleep our blacked out; but before he closes his own eyes she squeezes his hand, sighing. "I..think it's possible.....Do you want to be happy Theo?" He turns to look at her, but she doesn't move. "I mean- yeah? Otherwise what's the point of living? All of it just so you..die empty?" He waits, but all he can hear is her breathing, skipping every now and then. "Lil? Do you want to be happy?"
Her hand twitches before she gently pulls it away, resting it on her stomach. "No. If I'm happy then I don't know." He raises an eyebrow, "You 'don't know'?" She gestures vaguely to the ceiling, as if the dust particles or popcorn stars explain it all, "I do know though, so that's why I'm okay with not being happy." Theo sits up and stares at her, "Lil, indulge me, please?" He smiles confusedly. Her eyes glance to him before she turns her head to look out the window. "If I was happy, I wouldn't have done most of the stuff I have in my life. But I'm not, and I've done those things I'd never do as a kid. How do you live and be happy?"
Neither speaks for what seems hours, the fighting of a couple next door echoing into their room. It sounds physical. It sounds like white noise. "Theo?" "Yeah Lillith?" He's still sitting up, but when she turns to look at him he's got rubber tied to his arm, and sharp sun pointed to a vein. "I lied. I don't think it's possible. I think..we're all nothing. No matter what we do, or how known we become, it'll never matter. Can you bake all 46 presidents?" Their eyes meet, the rush running through his eyes as he forgets everything, ruining even the slightest chance of a 'yes.' "Exactly. And I think deep down everyone knows that. And that's why no one can be happy. We try to fill the empty void if meaningless with even more meaningless things. Why do you think so many celebrities die young? They were born to search, and wind up where we are."
Theo falls back against the bed, sprawled out once again, sighing of relief. He doesn't bother to remove the needle, he can't feel it either way - if anything he just forgot. He grabs her hand off of her stomach and brings it to his mouth, "And where are we?" He kisses her hand and she smiles tiredly. "We're in limbo, baby. We thrive in the emptiness." He smiles back at her before taking the needle out and placing it in her hand, "To dying young." She doesn't even sit up or get the rubber strap, aimlessly aiming for a vein, "To dying young."
They stay like that for a long time, laying together for hours like they had only moments ago, staring at the ceiling. At one point he reaches for her hand and holds it between them, her arm limply going along with his. The sun rises, orange tinting their bodies, the stains in the mattress shining their true colors. "Lil, I don't..I know I can't be happy. I wish I could say I love you..but I don't, I can't. I can't love anyone but..this is probably the closest it gets right? I..am glad I knew you." His hand squeezes her, but he doesn't get a response, and he knows he never will.
When he first grabbed her hand, he knew he wouldn't.
"To dying young.
YOU ARE READING
Stripes Short Stories
Short Story-I do not put trigger warnings because it can spoil a story. -Give it a try, you'll never know if you like it if you don't try it.
