vent.

vent 2.

i hate people who are happy. not in a "i want to ruin their life" way, but in a jealousy way.

why can't i be happy?

people will say i'm just ungrateful. i'm fed, i have water, everything like that.

but i have no choices in my family.

they have high expectations; that i should be an art teacher and get well paid. they don't pay attention to me. it makes me feel lonely. i only get like two minutes of people looking at me then they continue to care about my brothers.

why can't i be loved?

i'm also a second choice when it comes to my friends.
if one of my friends are lonely and their best friend isn't at school, they go straight to me and expect me to be nice. it's unfair.

can't i be a first choice?

i'm so sick of the world.

i get thoughts of just overd..sing on anything harmful just so i can die.

but i can't.

wilbur can't lose me. my "friends" can't lose me.

i can't lose myself. i have though.

i'm lost in all the goddamn horrible thoughts.