This book explores the theory of manipulation by breaking down manipulation
into its component parts, forming useful, objective definitions and offering
practical advice for manipulating others.
The first part of the book is primarily concerned with introducing ideas and
explaining them, in order to form a grounding for the practical sections of the
book later on. It is important to remember that much of the information is
general, because effective manipulation requires actions which are situation
specific. Rather than telling you what to do, this book will give you the ability to
form effective manipulation strategies, whatever your goals and situation.
Examples are included to provide context to some of the general advice in the
book, illustrating how to apply the knowledge in a practical sense.
In addition, the book covers areas relevant to forming and executing effective
manipulation strategies, including analysis, cold reading and body language. The
book does not define manipulation as something inherently bad, despite its
negative connotations. Ethical issues surrounding manipulation are addressed in
a dedicated chapter.
After reading the book, you can expect to have greater insight into your own
actions and the actions of others. You will have a strong grounding in the
mechanics of manipulation, allowing you to make your own decisions about
manipulating others, and recognize when others are manipulating you.
Unlike many charlatans, who claim to have shortcuts to recognize when people
are lying, and make others bend to your every command, this book is honest
about its limitations and recommends caution where it is sensible.
What Is Manipulation?
It of primary importance to establish a clear definition of manipulation for the
purposes of this book. Without understanding exactly what constitutes
manipulation, there will be a great deal of difficulty in separating instances of
manipulation and other forms of influence.
While you probably have your own idea of what counts as manipulation, it is
important that you adopt the book’s definition, in order to make sense of the
practical advice in later chapters.
Basic Ideas
In a broad sense, manipulation is the effort to affect the behavior or perception
of others. Most definitions extend that to include “via the use of abusive,
deceptive or otherwise exploitative means” or something similar, as a means of
differentiating between manipulation and other influencing behaviors, such as
persuasion.
That raises even more questions, such as what constitutes “exploitative”.
Deception is relatively easy to define as a willful concealment or alteration of
the truth. But does deception really preclude persuasion?
At a job interview, you probably won’t mention the times you came in late to
work at your previous job due to hangovers; is that manipulation? You could
argue that anyone hiring for a job is already operating on the understanding that
people are likely to highlight their positive traits, and draw attention away from
the negatives. In that sense, it isn’t necessarily dishonest to omit certain
information in that situation. So expectation can also play a part in determining
the ethics of manipulation and where the line is drawn between manipulation and
other forms of influence.
Putting ethics aside for now, there is another word, in that broad definition,
worthy of attention. Defining manipulation as an “effort” suggests that
manipulation is still manipulation regardless of success or failure – the act of
manipulation is defined as the attempt. Ironically, those least successful at
manipulating others, who are most frequently discovered, are more likely to gain
a reputation as manipulative than those who succeed.
You can probably point to someone in your orbit, a relative or co-worker
perhaps, who you consider to be manipulative. Yet, consider how others view
them. Are they well known as a manipulator? Does this impact their success?
The answer to this, too, may be complicated. If someone is considered by their
peers at work to be manipulative and yet holds sway over the boss, they might
still be judged successful. When thinking about manipulating others, it’s
important to define clear goals. This will allow you to make rational, objective
decisions, which is key to success.
At this point, there are too many questions and too few answers.
