Stay with me

Sorrow

 (Tw: angst, self harm, )

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Dazai woke up in his bed, not seeing Fyodor. It was often when Fyodor was the first one to leave the house, which didn't bother Dazai. He found it nice to do his morning routine alone. He also didn't want Fyodor to see new scars on his body each day. His routine was simple; wash, bandages, dress, eat and then leave. Today was no different than any other day. 

When he reached the agency everyone stared at him. Though it wasn't a stare because he was late, a stare filled with anger and disgust. His partner, Kunikida Doppo was working at his desk. Dazai slowly walked up to him "Hey-". Dazai stopped when he saw Kunikida's hand pointing to the president's door. Dazai nodded as he left to see the president. Thoughts flooded his mind, has his criminal record gone online to the whole agency? Has everyone realized what a monster this is? He knocked on the door, an assistant opening it. Fukuzawa nodded and the other assistants left the room. "Dazai, sit down" Fukuzawa pointed at the chair infront of his desk. "Is everything alright president?" Dazai sat down, dead serious. "I had a meeting with the port mafia's leader, Mori. One of his executives found out you had contact with.." Fukuzawa made a pause. Dazai's mind was blank. This was worse. This was really bad. Chuuya had reported about his meeting with Fyodor. Fuck Fuck.. There was no excuse. Meeting with the enemy? Even though Dazai had a crisis in his head, his face was still dead serious not showing any emotion. Fukuzawa seeing this, continued "Fyodor Dostoevsky, could you explain where he took you? Or what business you two had?" Dazai sat there. Nothing came out of his mouth, it took a little for him to process. "I was gaining intel" Fukuzawa raised his eyebrow. "Then why did you nullify Nakahara's ability instead of letting him eliminate the enemy? Nakahara also informed me that Dostoevsky told you to nullify his ability, which you did". Dazai felt like he was sweating. He couldn't loose his job, not at the moment. Not when he was finally fulfilling Oda's last wish. "I did it for my safety" Dazai looked at Fukuzawa straight in the eye, as he was staring at his soul. He knew he would loose his job when Fukuzawa scoffed. "We both know you are lying. You are a smart person Dazai but we all know that you are a monster deep inside, not a human, please leave the agency, you are fired" Dazai froze. The words spun in his head, "not a human", "monster". He quickly got up leaving the room, as he reached for the door to leave the agency someone grabbed him, Atsushi his student. "Goodbye Dazai, I hope we see each other in the future." Atsushi couldn't help but look at the floor. "I'm sorry, I hope you become the best of the best. I tried to be a good tutor, someone for you to look up to, but I guess I failed. I hope to see you become stronger in the future, Atsushi" Dazai smiled as he patted the other's head. When he turned around and left, his smile faded. Hell, even an angel can't smile right now. He ran home, taking vodka, wine and other alcoholic beverages as he went to sit on the floor. A knife laid near him. He took it, cutting past his bandages, into his flesh. Fresh blood dripped from his arms as he continued cutting his bodice and neck. He had taken of his shirt, only bloody bandages around his body. He drank and drank till he blacked out. On the floor, blood dripping from every part of his body. 

It took a couple of hours for Fyodor too come home. He called out Dazai's name, but there was no response. HE continued to the bedroom where he saw a body covered in blood with alcohol around him. "OSAMU! idiot!" Fyodor ran too the bathroom taking bandages, water, sanitizer and spare clothes. He proceeded to clean the wounds and than wrap them with a new pair of bandages. Some were so deep which he had to sew them. Though he was disgusted, he was worried, for the first time. Not about himself, but for another. He grabbed Dazai's Pajama putting the shirt on him. He picked up Dazai ( after 1000 attempts) and laid him on the bed. Then, he cleaned the floor and put all the beverage's away. Once he finished, he laid next to Dazai, reading his book, every 5 minutes checking on him. 

After a long hour or two the other finally woke up. "Fedya..?" Dazai slowly opened his eyes, regaining his consciousness. "Finally, what were you thinking Osamu?! You know I had to clean you up right?! What were you eve doing in the first place?!" Fyodor hissed. "Shit.. sorry" Dazai was checking his body to see everything perfectly bandaged. "Mind telling me what happened?" Fyodor tried again. "I got fired" "What?" "Chuuya reported the incident with you too Mori and Mori spoke to the president about it which got me fired today, alright?" Dazai looked the other way. He wasn't mad at Fyodor but at himself, like every time something happened. "Fuck, Im sorry Osamu, it's my fault. I messed up, I shouldn't have showed myself to Nakahara, I really am sorry. My intention wasn't to-" Dazai stopped Fyodor by putting his hands on Fyodor's lips. "It alright, I should have thought that this would happen, it's my fault" Dazai tried to put on a smile to insure Fyodor that it was alright, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. "No. Don't blame yourself, I am the one the blame- Osamu, dont cry please" Fyodor saw a tear dripping from Dazai's face. Fyodor reached out his hand, wiping the tear. "Shit sorry, didn't think I'd get to emotional.." Dazai said, still not looking Fyodor in the eyes. Dazai couldn't stop thinking about the things Fukuzawa called him. "Fedya, do you think I'm a monster?" This time Dazai looked into his eyes. "I- no, you are getting better, but being a monster isn't bad because I am one too! That is what makes us such a good team" Fyodor smiled. Faintly but sincerely. Dazai chuckled "Yea.. guess that's why we are so perfect for each other"

That night, they fell asleep hugging. Fyodor was the hugging Dazai, to comfort him. Dazai felt so comfortable he didn't argue. He liked hugs, but he got them rarely.

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Heyy guys! tysm for the 40 reads, please do comment I would like too read your thoughts on this sometime!! Finally a chapter with 1000+ wordssss!!! Ill try to make the next one happy lol. byeeeee, have an amazing day! <3